Author Disclaimer: MASH is not about superheroes, and Justice League is not about medics keeping from going mad. These stories are goofy fun. Please read them as such.

J*L*A - Barry Blake

by Rob Morris

His hostages in place, Captain Boomerang yelled out.

"If the bloody Flash doesn't let me whack his arse in view of the telly-folk, these rotters are done for! I got me a dead-man's switch, for certain!"

Boomerang claimed to be from Australia, but no one from that continent spoke like him, even remotely.

His hostages in place, Captain Cold yelled out.

"These hostages are going into permanent cryo, unless The Flash lets me help him to chill out! My trap has a dead-man's switch, in case he gets some cool ideas."

At the advice of his prison counselor, Captain Cold had been trying to cut down the use of cold-derived words in his speech. Some days went better than others.

His hostages in place, The Mirror-Master yelled out.

"!nopu tcelfer ot mih rof tsiwt wen a evah I. enola emoc retteb eh dna--hsalF eht tnaw I"

Later, a kindly news crew pointed out why no one had responded to Mirror-Master's inverted demands.


"So how'd ya stop em'all, Uncle Barry?"

"Yes, dear. Especially with those dead-man's switches, for their bombs?"

Barry pshawed both his wife Lorraine and their nephew Wally O'Reilly, aka Kid Flash.

"Those bozos? They set themselves up. I simply took each one and tied them up at the other's traps. They gave up the killswitch-codes like nobody's business. Mirror-Master kind of lost it. Frank may have to watch him, over at Arkham."

"Wonderful, darling!"

"You're aces, Uncle Barry!"

Barry Blake put down his hand.

"Hey, I'm The Flash!"

After they had left, Barry pulled the hooks from his nearby fishing cap out of his hand, shaking it at sub-sonic levels, and really hoping that no one saw The Fastest Man Alive get skewered by his own hat.

"Betcha this sort of thing never happened to Sherm Garrick."

The End

Dedicated, of course, to Maclean Stevenson, whose time on MASH was an illuminating flash of the lightning.