It's raining again. Actually, it seems like the rain never stopped. Hawkeye left early this morning before I awoke, and even though I wished he would have stayed, I'm glad he went. He knows I don't like anyone going into my personal business, and I know if someone saw him leaving my tent this morning, I would never hear the end of it. He did leave me a note though, one of the most touching notes anyone has ever givin me.
I'm so sorry I left you this morning, I wanted to stay and make sure that you were really okay after last night, but I do know you need some space. But please tell me if you need another night like last night, or even better just someone to talk to. I'll see you at breakfast.
Noticing the time, I was surprised that it was actually lunch time. Not believing how long I slept, I quickly dressed, and headed to the mess tent, actually hungry for the first time in weeks, but the sight of what Igor was serving, made me not so hungry anymore. But I knew that I had to eat, if not for me then for everyone else, especially for him.
Sitting down with BJ and Charles, I casually asked where Hawkeye was, hoping not to raise too much suspicion.
"I traded shifts with Hawkeye, he said he had something he needed to take care of, what ever that means, and asked me if I would trade shifts."
Whatever reaction I gave I hid by taking a sip of coffee.
"He did come home awful early this morning, no doubt he spent the night in some closet with a nurse," Charles commented, and almost as if on cue, the announcement for incoming casualties, followed by the sound of choppers.
We worked long into the evening, losing eight out of the 52 patients that we treated, two of them, Hawkeye tried to save, after that he kept mostly to himself, like I knew he would.
Since he was in post-op following up on some patients, I missed him during dinner. I luckily had the night off, and headed back to my tent feeling utterly drained. Today was just one of those days, where I wished I just stayed in bed.
I tried to sleep, I really did, but I knew it was useless. There was just too much that was on my mind; Hawkeye, those patients that we lost, the rain. And to top it all of, it was so cold the mines in our own minefield were exploding. More then anything else I wished Hawkeye were here with me. I know I'm not that kind of person that clings to someone like I did last night, but that somehow was different.
I was just about to try to go to sleep, when Klinger knocked on my door with the mail. I sighed, not caring who wrote me, but nevertheless I took the letter, and Klinger beat a hasty retreat. And who was it from? Who else but my ex husband, just what I need to top of this perfect day.
I know we both said some things that we didn't mean, and I know that we both regret now. I miss you Margaret, I miss you more then you will ever know. I know I cheated on you and I'm sorry. But you have to understand how lonely it gets when I'm away from you, surely you understand. I have heard many things about you and the infamous Frank Burns, from one of your nurses before she transferred out of your unit. I know you two were quite close before we met, and I know you understand how lonely he got being away from the people he loved. What I'm trying to say Margaret, is that I would like to give our relationship another chance. Never mind the women that I see on the side-
I threw the letter down, I couldn't read anymore. I was trying to fight back the tears, but I couldn't. In anger I threw the letter into the stove and watched it burn, while the thunder outside roared on.
After hours of crying, I could cry no more. But the hurt and the anger that I felt in my heart was still there. He betrayed me, and yet he wanted to get back together like nothing had even happened. I wrapped my arms tightly around knees and brought them up to my chest. Why was I always making the wrong choices in men?
And that's when he opened my door. He silently took off his rain coat and sat down next to me on the bed. He didn't say a word, but wrapped his arms around me, knowing how much I needed him. And then I started crying again. Not just from the letter, or from the horrible day that we had, but crying because Donald, the man I thought I loved, took my heart and smashed it into a million pieces.
He laid me down, and stretched out beside me, never breaking contact with me. He rubbed my back in slow lazy circles, and finally I started to calm down, breathing hard against his chest.
"Hawkeye," I begged quietly, yearning for his soft baritone that I knew would lull me to a dreamless sleep.
Another day has almost come and gone.
Can't imagine what else could wrong.
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door.
A single battle lost but not the war
It's almost like the hard times circle 'round.
A couple drops and they all start coming down.
'Cos tomorrow's another day,
And I'm thirsty anyway,
So bring on the rain
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
And I might hang my head.
I might be barely breathing, but I'm not dead
Tomorrow's another day,
And I'm thirsty anyway,
So bring on the rain
No I'm not gonna let it get me down;
I'm not gonna cry;
So, bring on the rain
I hugged him tighter to me, and sighed. Outside, the rain that has been going non stop for three days, finally stopped.