And Now, the finale that asks...Can a light comedy that went off the air in 1972 share a fanfic with a hard-edged comedy that premiered that same year-without driving each other crazy? Expect two sequels to this, in the long term. "The Witches-In-Law" will have the Hunnicutts meeting their in-laws, the Stephenses, and will feature a more familiar Endora. "Blink, Twitch, And Pierce" will feature a 'girls week out' with Margaret, Samantha, and Jeannie Nelson in 1973, while Hawkeye mediates a feud between Darrin ( No Magic) Stephens and Tony ( Why Not Magic ) Nelson. Fox sadly owns MASH, while Screen Gems owns Bewitched.
Chapter 11 - Recapturing The Magic
November 23, 1963
Margaret and Hawkeye couldn't believe the words they were hearing from the suddenly coherent Jack Scully. Unbeknownst to them, Pierce's new stepsister Samantha had magicked his speech and related centers back to full health, though his circulatory system was still a total wreck. Margaret felt responsible for this, since it was exposure to her hyper-active immune system that caused Jack's stroke. The very worst part was, the man must have been healthy as a horse to begin with, to have survived exposure as long as he did. But Jack had a surprise for them, there, as well.
"You want me to say it again? Ok, here goes. Margaret--I want a divorce. If we can't be together--as man and wife--then I want out."
Margaret was crying. Hawkeye was not too far behind her.
"Jack...this is all my fault...I..."
But the bed-ridden man wasn't through, yet.
"Yeah, yeah, your immune system. I got all that. Well, this is your fault, kid. Both your faults. But not how you think. I'm sick because of me. Margaret--I've been getting sick since almost a year after we married. I just didn't say anything. Too damned proud, and now look where it got me."
"Same as when we were kids, huh, Jack? Our dad--well he was one for striving. Used to work straight through bouts of pneumonia-til one day he didn't."
William Scully's words hung for a moment.
"Billy's got it right, guys. Yes, the little avoidance game you two play has me here, that junk they fed you has me here, and my male ego-the 2nd largest going, Hawkeye-has me here. All because none of us had the guts to admit the obvious. You know all those times I called Maine? I was trying to back out. Not because I don't care for you, Margaret. But because we both had settled. I didn't ask the right questions-and you ignored the obvious answers. God if we had been in the field with that kind of attitude-there'd have been an inquiry."
"Jack, how can I leave you now? You need help, now more than ever."
"I'll take care of my brother, Margaret. It was his early enlistment got me through college. The summers are going to be rough, though-especially with the new baby coming."
Hawkeye spoke up.
"Jack, you can summer up in Maine, with me. I can help you out, where it's needed. Even send one of the kids with you. Waddaya say?"
"We always got along, Hawkeye, so I'm good with that. But will Margaret be there?"
"I'm really kind of hoping she will be, Jack."
"Quit hoping, mister. I'm there."
"Well, if you are...then I need something from you, Margaret."
"Anything, of course."
"I'm gonna be looking at you, and longing after you, and wanting what we can't ever have again. But I won't feel so bad about it...if you are another man's wife."
Margaret took Jack's words in, and looked at Hawkeye. Their hair, dark and light, almost symbolizing their unspoken union.
"Time, I guess, to surrender to the inevitable."
"We're not inevitable. While Henry was CO, you and me were in Elementary School. When Potter came, we were in Junior High. When we got back, we went to High School. College came, and we went our separate ways. But now, College is done, and we both lived a post-grad hell in Korea, to boot. You get what I'm saying? We're not inevitable, Margaret. Inevitable people don't pull off towels, just for a reaction. Inevitable people don't try to bust two doctors out on the basis of those dumb jokes. If we're together, it's not because of what everyone thinks we should do, or because a Klingon with a big mouth decided to blab. We're together because that's what we want. And for the record, it's what I want."
Margaret smiled, thrown by how his attempt to release her only made her feel all the more bound.
"You're something else, you know that? In each of our "Visions" the other was lost to us. You even killed Frank for me-a difficult task, I know. I've been running away since Chuckie and the others died-not just from you, but from life. It's what I want, too, darling-to be with you. But, for my female ego, please allow me to be the heroine at some point? Just, think about it. Something may come up, and we know you'll get your turn. Beyond that, I'm glad to hear we're not inevitable. Now that the door's been unlocked, I can close it again, and we can hold together against the rest of our lives--however long that might be. Once and for all, Lets end this dancing around and dance together. Hawkeye Pierce, will you forgive me? And more, Will You Marry Me?"
Suddenly hearing those words said to him, Hawkeye felt the weight that Margaret must have, back at Deep Space Nine. Suddenly, knowing that he had a huge role to play in the history of mankind seemed less of a kick and more of a burden. He would do well to have Margaret kick him in the pants when the time came. Samantha, having recovered from restoring Jack's speech, stood in the doorway, and prodded Hawkeye.
"Oh, brother, dear! I have to go. So If you would please make this dear woman my future sister-in-law, I can be on my way."
"Don't push, Sam. Boy, a guy dates his sister a few times, and...ooofff"
With a blow that would cleave a 2x4, Margaret punched Hawkeye in the stomach, to bring back to business.
"Will You Marry Me?"
"Yes. Hell, Yes! As long as you agree not to hit me anymore."
"No promises---except the marrying part."
They kissed, and everyone clapped. Charles whispered under his breath.
"And now, Round 15."
The couple stopped kissing, looked at him indingnantly, and walked out with Samantha. Jack stared at a confused Charles, and got his first good laugh in a long while.
"You gotta learn to think this stuff, Doc. They got the hearing, remember?"
"I suppose so, Jack. But I still must needs wonder if those two dolts will actually do it, this time."
A voice in the distance.
"We Hear You!!"
While Hawkeye called BJ to tell him the news, two of the women in Hawkeye's life sat and had a talk.
"So---stepsister, huh? From what Jack told me, it went a bit beyond that."
"Oh, more than a bit. Hawkeye and I were inventive, if nothing else."
"But for all that, we didn't belong together. We're too much alike. Over the course of time, that would have only become clearer. We both want the world to be a certain way, and heaven help those who get in our way, when our dander's up. He loves you. After we lost Dan, you were all he could talk about for weeks. Drove me crazy--or maybe it me made me sane enough to catch on. I don't know."
"Why did--Dan jump?"
"Hawkeye told me that some shady character that once claimed to have killed your Colonel Blake...poisoned Dan's water. It gets worse-my Mother's castings say that he was responsible--for yesterday's disaster."
The fact that the little scum wanted the President dead belatedly raised JFK up in Margaret's eyes. She swore in her mind to one day make him eat dirt. And she would, too.
"Wait--castings--Hawkeye said you were a witch."
"Guilty as charged."
"Jack's speech? That was you, wasn't it? Can you fix all of him? Oh, please, Samantha."
"I can't. Margaret, I nearly had a stroke myself just giving him the dignity of speech again. Plus, I could correct his symptoms only to aggravate a future condition. Add to that the alien origins of his illness, and I-could no more help him than I could make Hawkeye love someone he doesn't."
Margaret regarded her future sister-in-law.
"You really are beautiful, you know that? Just promise me you won't give up on love? I have a weird feeling there's someone out there for you--although--he likes to shout a lot--why would I say that?"
"There's---precedent. Margaret, you have to make me a promise. One, that as a family, we'll keep in touch. Two-and I mean this-that you will try your best never to hurt him again, no matter how stupid he may act. Lover or brother, Hawkeye is someone I will always care about-understand?"
As they hugged, Margaret said, "I promise".
Finally, Hawkeye returned.
"Well, I guess this is goodbye. Mother and I have invitations, right?"
"Of course! After all, in case Margaret's father objects, he can take a dip in the Pacific. I am gonna miss you--so bad. You got me through, Sam. If not for the coincidence that placed us both in that ski lodge, I don't know what I would have done these past 3 years."
One more kiss each on the other's cheek, and she vanished, with her voice lingering for a moment.
"Witches don't believe in coincidence, Hawkeye. Only fate!"
Alone, now, the once-more future couple stared hard at one another.
He grabbed her up in his arms, intent on finding a nearby hotel before getting back to Jack.
"You know what, Hawkeye?"
"No, what, Margaret."
"To hell with fate. I'll take desire."
"And I take--you."
"Of course you do, Pierce. You have no choice."
For once, Margaret got the last word.
In San Francisco, Samantha's facade broke down, and so did she. Her mother Endora and Sister Peg comforted her.
"There, there, my dear. You did the right thing. Standing in destiny's way is always a sure disaster."
"It's like you used to tell me, Sam. Some people just play together better than others. Those two--well, lets just say that is that. They belong together-like me and BJ."
Those words were partially aimed at Endora, whose initial enthusiasm for BJ had cooled somewhat.
"I-I understand I did the right thing. I know, in my head, that we weren't right for one another. So why do I feel so blasted empty inside?"
Having no answers, they merely sat with her. That next evening, finding her Aunt Sam asleep on their couch, Erin Murphy Hunnicutt pulled her cheek and magically tucked her in. Time and family would heal many wounds.
February 23, 1964
Jack's recovery was uneven, but his now ex-wife and her again fiance visited frequently. He adjusted rapidly to losing Margaret, but a lack of mobility was making him nuts. Add to that, his sister-in-law had taken ill while visiting, as well. With all other doctors on call, it was Hawkeye who was treating her. Margaret-his ex-walked in with Margaret-his sister-in-law. She was in a chair, and holding something. A mewling little something she briefly handed to Jack. For a brief moment in time, his heart felt perfectly alright.
"Little girl, meet your lug of an uncle. Jack Scully, meet your new niece-Dana Alexis Scully."
The newborn looked up at Jack, and seemed to smile. In her little eyes, all the mysteries of the world seemed to have a perfectly rational explanation.
At the same time, in the Ski Lodge where she and Hawkeye had met, sat a decidedly dejected Samantha. Alike or no, she felt like a fool for giving up Hawkeye. She was miserable, and lonely. She knew then how Hawkeye must have felt, when she found him. Perhaps, she thought, it was all coincidence, after all.
"Mind if I sit here?"
"Suit yourself. I'm afraid I'm not much company, right now."
"Well, when you consider that you are the only woman who's not drunk, asking me how much I make, pretending to be a runway model, or all three, not much company is fine by me, right now."
'Witchcraft' was playing on the jukebox.
"Oh, brother. Don't these people know Sinatra after Hollywood lost his touch?"
Samantha stirred at this.
"How can you say that? It's only after the films he was really free to express himself! Why, Frank Sinatra is the greatest warl-er, crooner in the world."
"How can so beautiful a woman hold so contemptibly ignorant an opinion?"
"Funny. I was going to ask the same thing about so handsome a man. By the way, my name is Samantha Endoratochter."
"Whoa! Maybe I'll just call you Sam. My name is Darrin Stephens, Sam, and you HAVE to concede that after 'Eternity', he was just lost in a sea of yes-men.."
An hour into this conversation, Sam wondered why she had ever started talking with this opinionated man. Four hours later, she understood at long last what Hawkeye and Margaret had. Four hours after that, she realized she had gone 3 hours without thinking of Hawkeye Pierce. Five months later, Darrin had dissolved a difficult engagement and gone with his heart. At the last minute, two members of Sam's family found the chapel and attended. Darrin hadn't known his future brother-in-law was a doctor. As it would turn out, he didn't know a lot of things about Sam-or her family. Through the majority of that family's opposition and his own anti-magic prejudice, Darrin would learn he made the right choice-something he and Sam knew in their hearts, anyway. When Sam through her bouquet, it was caught--by the fastest woman on Earth. Her fiance' stared at her.
"Don't look at me like that! We need all the luck we can."
Later, the new bride and her stepbrother met outside. Theirs was a reasoned, intelligent discussion.
"I beat you to the al-tar! I beat you to the al-tar! I beat you to the al-tar!
As she playfully danced around him, Hawkeye picked her up-and threw her into the air. A moment later, she reappeared.
"That wasn't funny! I almost hit that B-52!"
They would have to grow up, to be certain, but play has its place, as well. Smiling, they went back to the reception. A year later, at his own wedding, Hawkeye would stare in horror as his tuxedo-began to shrink, while his stepsister laughed. He got her back, though, and she him again. For in the end, there are families--and then there are families.
"This Story is dedicated to the memories of Dick York, Agnes Moorehead and of course, Elizabeth Montgomery. I will always love MASH, but you were the friends of my youth."