*First and foremost, I do not own M*A*S*H or any of its characters. I just enjoy them, and I enjoy writing about them. I'm not making any money off of their use (if you need any proof, just check my pockets!). Secondly, this plot idea was not originally mine. It was a discarded plot from the show, and hopefully I won't get sued for using it without permission! I just used the main idea of it, changed it to suit my needs, and evolved it into something totally my own. The barest thread of the original plot remains (I even changed the number of nurses), but still I felt that I should mention this fact. Well, I hope you enjoy!
by Cathy W.
"I had a great time, Hawkeye," Sarah Brighton, the new nurse, said as she kissed Hawkeye again and reluctantly made her way out of the Swamp.
"I'm sure you did," Hawkeye replied, eyes twinkling in mischief. "It was all part of my master plan to get you to go out on a date with me again next Saturday night, around eight."
"Count me in," she answered. "I can't wait. Why don't we make our date in the supply room though? I'm sure Frank has to leave Major Houlihan's tent every once in a while to sleep in here." She laughed and shut the door with a bang.
A moment later, BJ walked in, back from Post-Op duty. He saw his friend's expression and asked curiously, "Date?"
"With Sarah," he answered, his face lighting up.
"Oh, the new nurse, right? How'd it go? Good, I see."
"Good doesn't even begin to describe it. Magnificent, phenomenal, wonderful, fantastic...."
BJ held up his hand. "I get it, I get it. It was great. So, are you planning another date any time soon?"
"As a matter of fact, we have one Saturday night."
"Wait, aren't you supposed to go out with Lisa then?"
"Lisa! I almost forgot. I think our date's for seven that night. Well, I made plans with Lisa first, so I guess I'll have to postpone the one with Sarah."
"Should you really be trying to juggle two women?"
"Well, they're both wonderful..."
"Be careful, Hawk, or this could all blow up in your face," BJ warned.
"Don't worry," Pierce answered as he got a drink from the Still.
"Sarah, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but I can't go out on a date with you Saturday. I'd forgotten, but I already made plans."
"With who?" Sarah asked suspiciously. It was no secret that Hawkeye was the camp Romeo, but to be dating different women at the same time....well, she'd have thought that he was better than that.
"Umm, BJ," he answered quickly.
"Okay," she replied, hoping it was true. She really liked him and didn't want it over between them so soon.
"How about next Friday night, at eight?" he proposed, putting on a roguish grin.
"Okay, but you've got to warn BJ that you two won't have a date together then." She smiled, and he laughed at her little joke.
"I'll be sure to tell him, but he'll be heartbroken. He complains that I never take him out anymore." He turned and walked back to the Swamp.
"Beej, I need a big favor. If Sarah asks, we have plans Saturday night," Hawkeye told his friend, with big puppy-dog eyes practically begging him to say yes.
"How could I say no to a face like that? But this is the only time. I'm not going to become a permanent part of this love triangle you have going on."
"I owe you one," Hawk said in relief.
"Just don't make it a habit," BJ added and went back to darning his socks.
"Come on," Lisa Burkhead said, laughing. She was holding Hawkeye's hand, pulling him into the Officer's Club. "I want a drink first."
"We could get one from the Still," Hawkeye suggested desperately. He was afraid that someone would spot them and things would go awry.
"What, that nasty rat poison? I don't think so." Noticing the look on his face, she added angrily, "Are you ashamed of me or something? Is there some reason you don't want to go out in public with me?"
"No, no," he hastily answered. "I just thought our date would be much lovelier if it was more intimate."
"I just want a quick drink, then we can go back to my tent."
They walked in and Hawkeye quickly looked around. He sighed in relief. No sign of Sarah. He led her toward a table in the back, in the corner. When Igor came around for their order, he asked for a martini and she for a scotch on the rocks. He began to relax after a while, and later they both ordered seconds, then thirds.
"I'll be back in a minute," he said suddenly. After three martinis, he was feeling....a call of nature.
"Okay, but don't take too long," Lisa replied.
As he walked out the doors of the Officer's Club, he didn't even notice who was walking in. Sarah surveyed the room, looking for someone to sit with. Noticing Lisa by herself, she headed toward the table. "Hi....Lisa, isn't it?" At Lisa's nod, she asked, "Do you mind if I sit here?"
"Well, actually, I'm on a date. He'll be back in a minute."
"Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt. Anybody I know?" she asked curiously, as she didn't know very many people at the unit yet.
"Hawkeye Pierce," Lisa answered.
"Hawkeye?" she asked angrily.
"Yes, Hawkeye. You know him, don't you?"
"Yes, very well. We were supposed to have a date tonight, but he cancelled it, saying he had plans with BJ. We're supposed to go out again next Friday night at eight."
"Are you sure? I mean, that it's the same Hawkeye?" Lisa asked, then added, outraged, "Who am I kidding? Of course it's the same one. How many Hawkeyes are there? And that explains why he didn't want to come here. He was afraid he'd be found out."
"I can't believe him! The nerve! I'm so angry, I could....could...."
"Get revenge?" Lisa asked, smiling at the thought.
"Yeah. Yeah! If anybody deserves it, he does for what he's done."
"I have an idea, but we'll have to wait a while to put it into action. In the meantime, we'll have to lead him on just like he's been leading us." Then Lisa laid out her plan, with Sarah agreeing wholeheartedly. Sarah left the Officer's Club before Hawkeye could spot her, not wanting to mess up the plan.
Hawkeye returned a moment later and sat down. He saw the satisfied smile on Lisa's face and asked, "What are you smiling about?"
"Nothing," Lisa answered him and smiled wider.
Sarah, being the new nurse, had not yet completed Step 1, as Lisa had had plenty of time to do before she found out Hawkeye was such a louse. To get the ball rolling, Sarah had asked, very coyly, if they could have their date in the Swamp. Hawkeye had of course eagerly said yes, and here they were, drinking from the Still. Hawkeye's drink wasn't exactly the same as Sarah's, although he didn't know it. She had snuck into the Supply Tent and stolen a couple of sleeping pills, which she had ground up into a fine powder. When Hawkeye wasn't looking, she had added some of the powder to his gin. He was already a little droopy-eyed, but to be safe, she added the rest to his third glass of what had affectionately been dubbed "rat poison." Pretty soon, his head was lolling to one side and his words were becoming slurred with exhaustion. "I..want to go to bed. Would you like to join me?" Although he was tired, he was still as incorrigible as ever.
"Sure," Sarah answered, noting happily that this fit right in with her plan.
Hawkeye opened his eyes, and immediately shut them again. They were so dry and itchy, he felt as if he had been sleeping for days. He rolled over to grab his bathrobe ('A cold shower is just what I need,' he thought) when he noticed another form beside him. He leaned over and saw Sarah lying there, asleep. 'I don't remember her being in bed with me,' he thought. 'I must have drunk a lot more than I thought.' As he headed outside, he decided to wake her first. "Sarah, wake up. It's morning."
"Hmmm?" she sighed contentedly, then slowly opened her eyes. "Morning, already?"
"I'm afraid so," he replied.
"Look, Hawk, I know I'm not much for flattery, but wow! Last night was incredible. I've never seen you so free, so....uninhibited. We've definitely got to do that again soon." She pulled back the bed sheets and pulled on her fatigues, which were lying unceremoniously in a heap on the floor. "See you later, Hawk." She blew him a kiss and walked out the door, skipping as she went. When she made it to the nurses' shower, she hurried inside and sat on the floor. She was shaking with laughter. 'I can't believe he actually thought we....And that he was egotistical enough to believe what I said!' Replaying the conversation in her mind, she burst into bouts of laughter again.
Lisa walked into the shower a few minutes later and saw Sarah apparently having a hard time catching her breath. "I assume it worked?" she asked her, which only served to make Sarah laugh again. When she had finally slowed down enough to speak, she recounted the whole date to her, ending with her final conversation with him and her skipping exit. After that, Lisa was the one who needed help off the floor.