Hawkeye chose that moment to enter the Swamp. "Looks like I missed something," he commented. "How's the head, Trap?"
"Great," he grumbled.
"He deserves every bit of it," Frank spat.
"Hey," Hawkeye yelled at Frank, not seeing Trapper grimace at the loud noise. Hawkeye was now beginning to feel very guilty for setting up the dare for Trapper. "Shut up, Frank."
"Is that is?" Frank scoffed. "Just, 'shut up?' Can't you do any better than that?" Frank was feeling good for having the upper hand at that point.
"Go wash the flag." Frank decided to quit whilst he was ahead, and he stormed out.
Before Hawkeye had a chance to apologise, Trapper began, "I have my retaliating dare for you. I thought of it whilst Ferret Face was lecturing me."
"Are we still going with this?" Hawkeye asked in surprise. "I mean, I don't want to kill anyone or anything."
"We're in a hospital, and a bored hospital at that. I'm still game if you are. But, let me warn you, this dare will not be easy."
"I'm game. What's my task?"
"Switch Henry's office around with Radar's office."
"You're right. It won't be easy."
"I'll help you out. I'll get them both out by giving them a game of golf."
"Sounds good, but won't it take ages to switch two offices around?"
"Well, leave all the stuff like filing cabinets. Just move Henry's desk, skeleton and booze cupboard, and move Radar's stuff where Henry's is. I have just decided that I will find someone else to play golf with them."
"Any reason why?" Hawkeye asked.
Trapper yawned. "Me and my head need about six years of sleep."
"Well, Still," Hawkeye turned to the maker of drinks. "It's just you and me for now."
The next day, it was organised that Father Mulcahy would have a game of golf with Henry, with Radar carrying the clubs.
"It's a great day for a game, and the good Lord did gives us golf clubs," Hawkeye reminded the chaplain.
"Yes, that is true," Father Mulcahy agreed. "Well, although I'm not the best golfer, I'll give it a shot."
"You'll be great," Hawkeye gave his words of encouragement.
So, as Henry, Father Mulcahy and Radar set off for their game, Hawkeye got to work re-organising the offices. It took an hour and a half, but eventually the two offices were switched.
Trapper came in to admire the work. "Great job! I didn't think you could pull it off."
"I think that we should disappear before the office owners appear again," Hawkeye suggested.
It was barely an hour later that people realised the changes. Radar stormed into the Swamp.
"I know you did it, and he does too. He's on the warpath; he's gone mad, up the wall! When he gets here…"
"Henry?" Hawkeye guessed.
"He hasn't seen it yet," Radar told them.
"So who's on the warpath?" Trapper asked.
"Major Burns. He came into my office, wanting to call his wife. I think he and Major Houlihan had an argument or something. Anyway, he went mad, and said it was all my fault!"
"What's it to do with him?"
"Yeah, the joke was meant to annoy you and Henry. Anyone else is just getting annoyed when they were uninvited. We planned on annoying Frank later."
At that moment, Frank burst into the Swamp, with two MPs behind him.
"Right," Frank hissed in rage. "Those two." He pointed blindly, and the two MPs proceeded to arrest Trapper and Radar.
"Hey!" The young corporal protested.
"Ah, no, not him, that one," Frank corrected, pointing to Hawkeye. "Apologies, Corporal."
"Hmph!" Radar saluted, and then stormed off.
"Captain Pierce, Captain McIntyre," Frank began. "You are under arrest!"
"What's the charge?"
"Misconduct. Insubordination. You name it, you've done it. You will be confined here, and only let out to use latrines, showers, and to tend to wounded. Got that?"
"Loud and clear," they both chorused.
Frank nodded to the guards, and they moved to the Still. Hawkeye and Trapper immediately moved in front of it.
"Since when was that in the terms?" Hawkeye shot at him.
"Like I'm gonna let you have that in here," Frank spat flippantly.
"Over our dead bodies!" The guard showed them his gun, and the two automatically moved aside.
Two hours later, Hawkeye was bored out of his mind. He and Trapper had played some checkers, but after Trapper had fallen asleep on the board, it was not as much fun.
He decided to search the Swamp for something to do. Hawkeye looked under Frank's bed, and was mildly surprised to find some shovels there.
"He's probably planning for emergency foxholes," Hawkeye thought. It was then that an idea suddenly struck him, and he had thought of a good way to get Frank back for arresting them.
Hawkeye carefully moved Frank's cot and the belongings under it. He then drew a square where the cot had been, and started digging in the square. The noise awoke Trapper.
"Hey, what are you doing?"
"Giving Frank everything that he deserves," Hawkeye informed him. "I found a couple of shovels under his bed, and I plan to put them to good use."
"What are you going to do?"
"It's not overly complicated. We dig a hole under Frank's bed. A seven-foot hole."
"You've got to be kidding! That'll take us ages! What are we supposed to do with the dirt? And how do we plan on not waking up the guards?"
"Calm down. Once we've dug the hole, which won't take too long since we have nothing else to do, we put Frank's bed back over it, and attach four ropes to it. After that, we watch Ferret Face like a hawk until he goes to sleep, and then we lower his cot ever so gently into the hole, and laugh when he wakes up."
Trapper mulled the idea over in his head. "Well, I'm bored. Hand me a shovel."
They got to work, and soon had a three-foot hole. They put the dirt in a far corner of the tent.
"I'm beat," Hawkeye sighed as he put his shovel on the floor. "We must have been quiet to pull that off."
"The guards aren't standing directly outside our door. They are watching us from afar, apparently."
"Frank will be back soon. We had probably better put the cot back before he catches us."
The cot was put back in the right place, and the ropes were attached to it so that it would not fall in the hole.
"He'll never know a thing," Hawkeye promised. He was right, and the next day the pair finished digging the hole. After several hours, their plan was complete, and all they had to do was to wait for Frank to go to sleep.
Frank arrived an hour later, but not for slumber. "You two are needed."
"Colonel Blake wants to see you."
"You wanna take it, Hawk?" Trapper asked.
"Both of you," Frank added. They both went reluctantly, hoping that Frank would not choose that moment to go to bed.
"What is it, sir?" They asked when they got there.
"Your wish is our command," Trapper added.
"General Clayton is going to be here within the hour, so no wisecracks out of you until then. He was being driven about an hour from here, but his driver had some kind of fit, and crashed the jeep. The General is fine, but his sergeant needs treatment. You both get to operate."
Both doctors digested the information, forgetting their prank for the time being. "Okay, we'll go and scrub," they said, leaving for Pre-Op.
A little later, Hawkeye and Trapper were busy operating on the young sergeant. He had broken two ribs in the accident, and they needed to be sure that they had not punctured any lungs.
"Not rusty, are we?" Hawkeye joked to Trapper.
"Your fingers will grow back," Trapper assured him.
Meanwhile, General Clayton was skulking around the camp, looking for a certain Major. He found her tent, and knocked on it, only to find no answer. Frowning, he glanced around the compound, and spotted her nearby the Swamp, talking to a nurse.
Clayton strutted over to Major Houlihan and patiently waited until she had finished talking to her.
"Good afternoon, Major," he said politely, a spark in his eye. "Would you mind if we held a private conversation, in here?" he searched for the nearest free tent, and decided that the empty Swamp would do.
The Major followed, feeling flattered. They had hands in hands, and sat heavily on the nearest bed, which was Frank's bed. They were shocked to find the cot, and themselves, drop several feet into the floor.
"Aiiii!" Margaret screamed.
Outside, Hawkeye and Trapper could hear the yell as they walked out of the O.R. "Hey, that's our trap!" They ran across the compound to the Swamp. Inside, they almost died laughing to find Margaret in the hole with General Clayton.
"What is the meaning of this?" The General was furious.
"You fell down a hole sir," Hawkeye told him as if the General was very stupid.
"Yeah, Frank likes to dig random holes," Trapper added.
"Well, I do not find this in the least bit funny. Get us out of here!"
"But think of the privacy you'll get down there," Hawkeye protested.
"Now!" Clayton roared.
"Choppers, sirs," Radar called to them in the Swamp. He noticed the General in the hole, so he saluted and then left. This caused the two captains to laughed harder as they headed in the direction of the O.R.
Hours later, when all the wounded had been stitched back together, Hawkeye and Trapper sat on a gurney each.
"Something to do again. Pull pieces of a junkyard out of kids," Hawkeye yawned as he spoke.
"I liked the boredom better, but we all knew that it couldn't last," Trapper sighed.
Hawkeye's eyes lit up. "I do believe it's my go. I dare you to… put the gas mask over your face, and turn on the gas."
Trapper obeyed, and put the mask over his mouth. "You turn the gas on," he said.
Hawkeye turned on the tap, and in mere seconds Trapper was on the floor. Hawkeye laughed heartily as he lifted his friend onto the gurney and wheeled him into Henry's office, to be found by someone.
"Hey, skeleton," he called to the bones. "Your nail polish is chipped." That was his departing comment as he left the room.