"Decisions, Decisions"

By Sarah Risa

Time: Right after she slaps Hawkeye in the episode Comrades in Arms Part 2

Margaret looked once more at the letter she had written her husband Donald, and as she read it, her mind reluctantly went back to the night before, and Hawkeye. All she could think about for a minute was his arms around her, and his lips pressed on hers. Suddenly her mouth and body burned, as she remembered. Stop remembering she tried to tell herself, but the memory was all too strong. it seemed to her as she sat there that she could still see the imprint of Hawkeye's hands on her arms, even though she knew it was silly. Just then the rational side of her took over, and she remembered the way he had treated her, the indifference in his eyes, she had not counted on his acting that way. it confused her because every other man she had made love to in the past always acted like she was god's gift to men, and were very affectionate afterwards, everyone from the cowardly Frank Burns, to her lowdown, cheating unwedded husband of hers, Donald Penobscott. But Hawkeye was different, had always been different, she tried to tell herself, but she still felt hurt because she knew she really did care for him, and had since the day he had shown himself to be anything less than invincible. Oh well, she told herself, she'd better forget it, or she would make herself miserable.

Just then a knock came at the door, Margaret looked up from the letter once more and asked cautiously, "Yes?" A masculine voice she could never forget answered her, "Don't call the police, I just want to talk." Margaret's heart leapt, despite herself-Hawkeye! She quickly composed herself and went to let him in, and trying to sound indifferent she said to him coldly, "Hurry up, don't let anyone see you." "Nobody saw," he said quietly, respecting her wishes. She made her voice sound cold and uncaring again, even though inside she knew she still wanted him,"You can't hang around my door like this. You want people to talk?" His voice was gentle as he answered her, "Margaret- I came to level with you. I don't think anything could ever come pf it because we're so different, but something happened to us out there. Both of us. Maybe we cared for each other a little bit more than either of us would like. I don't see why we can't own up to that, and might even turn out to be friends." Margaret suddenly felt vaguely depressed, because although she wanted him to admit what happened, she did not think she could handle just being his friend, and she was terribly hurt to think that that night hadn't meant much to him after all, and he was just content to be her friend, so she pretended she did not remember. "I don't know what you're talking about. Nothing happened out there, not a thing." Hawkeye looked shocked, "Wait a minute- nothing happened? Is that what you're trying to tell me." She nodded, and continued, "Not unless you took advantage of me while I was drunk." Hawkeye's face grew sarcastic, and she immediately wished she had kept her mouth shut, "You know, for a minute I was afraid I might like you too much, but I don't think I have to worry." Oh! She wanted to die. here he was, admitting to her that he liked her too much to just be her friend, and she had to go and say something stupid!! She changed her voice to one of a gentle tone and said to him, trying to right the wrongs she had made for herself, and said, "No, wait-just a second. Here- sit down." She pulled out a chair for him to sit in, and watched as he sat down, an angry look still evident from his eyes. "Yeah?" Oh that voice sounded so awful, so indifferent, but still she continued. "I think we can be friends." She wished she hadn't said that, but she knew there was no other way to keep him here.Hawkeye answered her warily, "Okay." She continued, "I would agree to that." "Fine, well, I'll have my lawyer draw up a contract." He still sounded sarcastic, so she decided to apologize once and for all, "I'm sorry. I'm not a very open person sometimes." Hawkeye's eyes softened, and he smiled at her, and Margaret felt warm inside because of his kind smile. "Look," he said, "Nothing will be different, not between you and me or you and Donald." Margaret smiled and said, "Oh, I didn't expect things to be the same with Donald." "You're not leaving him are you? All he did was accidentally send you a letter he wrote to somebody named Darlene. I'm sure the one he meant for you was just as nice." He smiled at her once more, and Margaret smiled mischievously back at him. "I'm sending him a letter back. A very carefully worded letter...Dear Hank...You like Hank?Or maybe I should make it Dirk, or Lance?" Hawkeye smiled and said, 'Hank's nice, Hank'll make him crazy." She smiled once more and read the letter, "Dear hank, " suddenly her voice grew serious as she continued, "I'll never forget that night we spent in that abandoned hut. You gave me your warmth and your caring when I was afraid, and now I think from time to time, when I'm afraid again, I may have the courage to let another person know it. You've helped me to grow a little. Thank you Hank." she looked up at him shyly, wondering if he would make the connection. He did. He smiled at her and said seriously, "Thank you Darlene." For a while they both were silent, they just smiled at each other, unsure of what to say, suddenly she couldn't stand it anymore, "Hawk, I can't do it! I just don't think I can do it." he was confused, 'Do what?" "Just be your friend, I like you too much for that. How can I be your friend when all I can think about is you and me on this bed." She blushed, and looked down, afraid to look at him. "Margaret, do you mean that?" She nodded. "I'm glad to hear it. Because I would hate to be the only one to be thinking that right now. I only said friends, because I don't want to end up like every other guy you've gone out with." "What do you mean, " she asked him. "Well, it's like this- if we were to continue this relationship where we left off, it would have to be secret, and I don't think I could do that. it would be too much like deja vu. I'd be what I swore I would never be- another Frank for you. Shaving for you, primping myself for you, pretending, fooling myself, that no one was wise, when the whole camp was. I just can't do that Margaret. Although I know I want a relationship with you, I just can't do that." "Then why don't we do both." she said to him, an idea had planted in her brain. "Both?" "Yes, suppose we do both, we can be friends, but whenever we feel we have to.....we will. We'll just have a secret signal so we both know when the other is feeling this way. Okay?" Hawkeye smiled, "Okay Margaret, but I have one stipulation." "What?" Hawkeye smiled at her, "We can't mix one with the other. We must have limits.That way, if one of us is annoying the other, as we know will happen, we can just stay apart, and we don't need to feel the need to meet each other. It was a great idea Major." She smiled seductively at him, 'Thank you Captain." They reached for each other and their lips met in a long kiss. She sighed with relief, it felt so good to kiss him again, she pulled him in closer to her, and pulled him next to her on the bed. She smiled at him once more mischievously, and reached over and turned off the light. Everything went dark, and the world was silent and peaceful all around them.

The End