by Rob Morris
Author's Note: Star Trek: TOS Remix of episode 'The Doomsday Machine' and the M*A*S*H* episode, 'The Army-Navy Game' ;)
Captain Kirk read Uhura's report of the approaching device with complete incredulity.
"Its a weapon--designed by Section 31--for use against The Klingons?"
All were thrown by this. Though it had yet to attack any worlds, the weapon's power was undeniable.
"Mister Scott--locate that funnel-lookig devices command and control chamber. Mister Spock, you and I are beaming in."
Once inside, Uhura relayed instructions to them from Starfleet.
"You should see a green box. Pry--but do not slam--it open."
Spock shook his head.
"Captain, No amount of prying will open the box. I fear we must try another method."
Kirk slammed the box. It opened.
"What the hell? We only have five minutes."
Hard-pressed to argue with results, they took Uhura's next instructions.
"Now--pull the red lever gently back."
Spock did just that--but the lever came off straight in his hands. He and Kirk stared dumbly at it. Spock offered commentary.
"A most sturdy piece of equipment."
Uhura spoke again.
"Now, detach the enabler wires from the positive and negative terminals----"
They did just that, to their eternal regret. Uhura added on, just then.
"----but first, cut power to the detonator."
Uhura now stared dumbly at her instructions, and realized the obvious.
"Ohhh---I am in sooo much trouble!"
Aboard the Device, Spock and Kirk stared at one another.
"Captain--I must suggest we depart."
"Let's get the hell out of here!"
But then, it was too late. The device activated, and its incredible secret was revealed.
A great light appeared in the heavens, and, big as an asteroid, appeared the image of Starfleet CIC Komack. It spoke.
"To The Peoples Of The Klingon Empire! We Bid You Surrender! You Can Not Win."
Very much alive, Kirk stared out at the image.
"Its a Propaganda Machine!"
With the device defused, life aboard The Enterprise resumed its normal course.
Except for Uhura, whose reading of the instructions had been brought into serious question--and had earned her consequences.
Chekov looked over at her, and asked Sulu a question.
"Vhy does she never sit down, Hikaru?"
"Pavel--its best not to ask. It came to be-- a tender subject."
Uhura overheard, and mumbled to herself.
"Sulu--you are sooooo right--oooww!!"
For his part, Kirk mainly walked around mumbling, 'But first, cut the detonator!'.