December 29, 1951

Today I started planning. If Margaret doesn't come back to me by midnight tonight, I'll start with plan A: Taking prisoners. If that doesn't work...


The Houlihan/Penobscott wedding was put off for another month when Father Mulcahy, who was going to marry the couple, got Hepatitis.

"Certainly one month isn't that long when we'll spend eternity together?" Margaret reassured Donald over the phone. After pushing the four-week delay for five minutes, Donald finally gave in.

"No longer than a month, though, okay?" he made sure that Margaret swore that the wedding would be no later than that.


"Where is major Burns?" Potter asked Hawkeye and BJ in the Swamp.

"We dunno, he didn't sleep here last night... not that we waited for him or anything, he didn't wake us up this morning, so we just assumed that he had a date with Hot Lips." shrugged BJ

"Thank you for clearing that up with me." nodded Potter. "Radar!" he hollered.

"Yes sir?" said Radar a second later. "I alerted the MP's they're on the lookout for major Burns, sir." reported Radar.

"Radar, I want you to alert the MP's, tell them to be on the lookout for Burns." commanded Potter.

"I already did, sir. Bye sir." grinned Radar, and he was gone as soon as he had appeared.

"You can go now... oh, what's the use?" sighed Potter. "How can you tell Radar to do anything if he runs off and does it before you tell him to?" demanded Potter.

"Beats me. We'll tell you if we find out anything about Frank's whereabouts, colonel." Hawkeye promised.



"Move it, you commie pinkos!" ordered Frank as he led a Korean family into the camp at gun point.

"Frank! Where were you and what in the heck are you doing?!" hollered Margaret when she saw Frank. When everyone else heard Margaret yelling at Frank, a few people stopped what they were doing to see what was going on.

"Major Burns is back." Radar reported to the colonel.

"There must have been a sale at Chang's of Korea. capture 5, get one free." commented Hawkeye when he saw that one of the prisoners was pregnant.

Klinger had just stepped out of a shower, and when he saw Frank with a gun, he thought that Frank was going to shoot someone. Bravely (and irresponsibly), he ran towards Frank, yelling, "Don't shoot! Don't shoot!"

That's when Frank decided to shoot Klinger. Luckily for Klinger, he tripped over a rock, and the bullet missed him completely.

While Frank was distracted, a circle of spectators surrounded him. Colonel Potter and BJ restrained Frank, while Hawkeye and Margaret checked the Koreans for injuries. They were all okay, except for some cuts and bruises.

Radar stepped out of his office, "Was that a...? Omigosh...!" he stuttered at the sight of Klinger laying on the ground. He ran to the other corporal. "Geez Klinger! Are you OK?" he asked worriedly.

"Yeah...I'm fine... Yuck! This dirt tastes horrible!!" said Klinger, spitting out the dirt. "Oh no! I ruined my Blue Chiffon and I broke a heel off my $20 shoes! This is a tragedy!!" Klinger slowly got up and limped to his tent. "...Twenty bucks down the drain..." he muttered sadly to himself.

Radar shrugged and went to get some rope to tie up Frank.

"Radar, could you get us some rope to tie up Frank with?" asked Hawkeye.

"Yes, sir!" replied Radar as he handed the rope to the captain.


January 3, 1952

They finally decided that I was sane enough to go. I'm never writing the names Donald Penobscott or Margaret Houlihan in this journal again! Tonight, I'm going to do something to Margaret that she'll never forget! Oh, how she's going to scream! And when I'm done, O'Reilly is going to be more careful about his "zoo." They'll learn to never mess with me!



Radar was going to feed his animals breakfast, when suddenly Margaret screamed. Of, course, everyone dropped what they were doing to see what was wrong. Margaret was standing outside her tent, brushing her hands on the front of her robe repeatedly.

"What's wrong?" asked a nurse from the crowd. Then somebody noticed that Margaret's hands were covered in blood.

"Omigosh, major, are you OK?" asked another nurse.

Finally Margaret managed to answer. "I'm fine... the thing under my cot, though..." then she flew into another fit of screaming.

Hawkeye, BJ, colonel Potter and Radar rushed into her tent. Radar was the first person to reach the cot. He looked under it and ran out of the tent. Hawkeye gave BJ and Potter a puzzled look and went after him.

"Oh, yuck..." shuddered Potter when he saw what it was.

"That's disgusting!" agreed BJ. The thing under the cot was a dead skunk.

"What is it?" asked Hawkeye, holding his nose as he returned to the scene of the crime.

"Skunk..." choked BJ, obviously revolted at the smell.

"Aw, geez. No wonder Radar..." started Hawkeye.

"Hey! Where's Radar going?" asked BJ, pointing at Radar, who was running across the compound.

"I think I know where that skunk came from..." gasped Potter

At that exact moment, Radar arrived at his zoo. He let out a horrified shriek, and fainted.

"Everyone stay back!" yelled Klinger, who didn't even know what was going on.

Potter ran to assist Radar, while BJ and Hawkeye tried to figure out what was so horrifying about a bunch of animals. The problem wasn't the animals, though. It was what had happened to them. One cage had been pried open with a scalpel, which was laying, twisted and broken, on the ground. Inside the empty cage, there was a pair of bloody dog tags.

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