Radar frowned, and looked around the room. His eyes settled on a wheelchair. "There. I'll go in that wheelchair." Radar pointed at it. Klinger wheeled it over, and helped Radar into it. Radar smiled triumphantly.

"If he's going, so am I!" shouted Margaret.

Margaret was also loaded into a wheelchair, and the assemblage headed out into the wild Korean night.


Frank was watching as the hunt started. The hunt for HIM. But it was okay. They could hunt all they wanted, as far as he was concerned, they would still end up dead. Frank's hand slipped into his pocket, and curled gently around his final weapon. His fingers slid smoothly across the checkered surface, and then, it's trigger, the pin.

Frank had found the grenade in the supply tent. It had been hidden in a box of boots.

Frank followed the group as they followed his footprints. He couldn't believe that they were all still alive. All that preparing, all that scheming, and it backfired! Frank watched as they entered the basketball "court." He smiled, and with a quick flick of his wrist, Frank threw the grenade. The pin lay safely in his palm. There was a loud boom, and Frank was temporarily blinded by a flash of light. Frank laughed happily, certain that the destruction of his enemies was complete. He skipped out of the compound, and into uncharted territory.


The grenade had landed in the middle of the group. BJ was thrown against the basketball pole. After catching his breath, BJ staggered onto his feet. His arm hung limp and useless by his side as he ran to the nearest person.

It was Klinger. Klinger was knocked out, and his leg was bent at an unnatural angle under his dress.

BJ barely noticed as other personnel poked their heads out of their tents. Several nurses ran to assist their wounded friends.

Hawkeye also ran to assist the nearest casualty. It just happened to be Margaret. Her blond hair was spread out on the snow. She looked at Hawkeye and smiled weakly.

"I have snow going down my shirt!" she explained, Hawkeye breathed a sigh of relief. The major was fine

Nurse Bigelow stumbled over to them in her thin cotton nightgown. "Everyone okay here?" she asked.

"Yep. Fine." responded Hawkeye reassuringly.

Nurse Bigelow scrutinized Hawkeye. "Fine? Fine indeed! Captain, you may now know this, but you're bleeding!" Margaret looked at Hawkeye and nodded

"Am I?" Hawkeye asked. "Where?"

"Here." nurse Bigelow touched Hawkeye gently on the forehead.

"OW! That stings!" cried Hawkeye.

Colonel Potter was carefully helped to his feet by nurse Kellye. "Does anything hurt, colonel?" she asked.

"Nothing except my derrière!" exclaimed Potter. Kellye looked at him blankly.

"Colonel, I don't speak German." Potter tried to explain that it was French for bottom, but Kellye had more to worry about.

Radar sat in the snow, waiting for someone to find him. "If that's what the front is like," he thought, "I'm glad I'm a company clerk!" Radar tried to smile as BJ, who appeared to him as a large fuzzball, approached him.

"You're gonna be okay, Radar." he said. Radar nodded, and closed his eyes.


"Can you believe it? An exciting adventure like this, and Radar falls asleep!" Hawkeye laughed.

Radar looked at the captain and grimaced, "Well, I didn't get any sleep last night!"

Margaret nodded understandingly from the next bed in Post-OP. "Let's just hope there's no casualties for a while!"

An MP walked into the ward. "Is colonel Potter here?" he asked, unsure. Colonel Potter stood up from the edge of Margaret's bed and approached the MP.

"That's me. What is it?"

"Well, we found one of your surgeons last night. He was almost frozen to death, he wasn't wearing any clothes!"

Colonel Potter looked knowingly at his bedridden crew, and beckoned to Hawkeye, who's injuries were only minor ones. "Hawkeye, I think they found Burns."


Frank was taken to a mental institute in Tokyo, where he was put under constant observation.

Colonel Potter called a meeting of the victims of Frank's insanity.

"You'll be glad to know that major Burns will not be returning to the 4077th." He paused as his audience cheered. "His replacement, Major Charles Emerson Winchester III, will be arriving within the next 48 hours. I expect that he will be treated with respect." Potter aimed this last comment at BJ and Hawkeye.

"What?" they asked innocently.


In the Swamp, Hawkeye poured two martinis. He handed one to BJ, who had his arm in a cast.

"A toast..." he started

"Burnt or well done?" quipped BJ.

Hawkeye glared at BJ. "Don't interrupt! A toast, to Major Winchester. May he be better than Frank!"

"And if he isn't," smiled BJ, "that we can handle him as well as we handled ol' needle nose!"

There was a tinkle of olive on glass as the two jokers raised their martinis in tribute to Frank Burns, who, in a rubber room, far away, was laughing hysterically.



Margaret, Klinger, BJ, Hawkeye, and Radar each made a full and rapid recovery. Major Winchester arrived at the 4077th on schedule, wherein Hawkeye and BJ proceeded to... Well, that's another story altogether.

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