Note: This is my first attempt at writing a story. Any feedback is welcome.
by Jason Lickness
It was about 48 hours after the camp found out Henry had been killed. Hawkeye and Trapper were in The Swamp. Trapper was pounding back another martini. "Hey, Hawk," Trapper slurred, "how come your not drinking? You've only had three since we left the O.R. last night." Hawkeye looked up at Trapper and said, "That stuff won't bring Henry back. It wouldn't be worth it to try and kill ourselves with that stuff." Trapper looks around the room and says "Killing ourselves. Kill, death, I just wish I could go home from this damned place!" He throws his glass to the ground. "I just wish this whole damned place would go straight to hell! I hate the wounded! I hate the clowns running this slaughterhouse! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!" Unbeknownst to Hawkeye and Trapper Major Burns walked in during Trappers rant. "Captain McIntyre! At ease this instant!" "Awww cut out all that G.I. crapolla Frank. Don't you realize Henry just died?",replied Trapper. "Yes I do. But I am in command now and you will conduct your self in a proper military manner. Not like some drunken lunatic." yelled Frank. "Oh, so your in command. That's right. I thought your lips looked like they were standing at attention.", Trapper slurred with a drunken laugh. "Well they are when he's around Major Houlihan. Listen, Frank, why don't you just get out of here and give Margaret's tent another snap inspection?", Hawkeye quipped. "I didn't know she had snaps. I thought she had ziffers...snippers...well however you say it. Get me another drink.",Trapper quipped. Hawkeye quickly replied as he tried to stop Trapper from going to the still,"Hey, hey, hey. Trap, take it easy. You're seeing three of everything, times two. Now sober up. The bar is closed. Anyway, Principle Nickel Nose came here for a reason. Or are you just dropping by to give us a bedtime story?" Frank replied, "I'm here to tell you two about your requests for R&R. Since the demise of our former Commanding Officer, we are now short handed and I can only afford to give one of you two R&R. And after this shameful display by Captain McIntyre, I've decided that Captain Pierce will be allowed five days of leave in Tokyo" Hawkeye angrily said, "C'mon, Frank, we've heard the reports. The enemy units in our sector have retreated and it's going to take at least two weeks to regroup. Let us both go." To which Frank sternly replied,"Listen I didn't want to send either of you on leave, but unfortunately the wheels were already set in motion before Colonel Blake got discharged and I couldn't stop them so it's either separate or not at all. Is that clear?" Hawkeye sarcastically quipped, "It's just going to be a laugh a minute with you isn't it Frank." Frank answered, "That's Major to you, Captain. Now if you want your leave you'd better get ready. Your chopper leaves at 1500 hrs." Trapper added, while lying on the spot on the floor were he fell down in a drunken heap, "Just go. I'll be right here when you get back.
The next day, Trapper and Frank were walking out of the O.R. "Aren't you glad I only let one of you go on leave?", Frank said with a smug tone. "Yeah Frank I can't remember a tougher case. Wait a minute, there was the time I had to remove a sliver from Radar's tuchus after he sat on the bad seat in the latrine. Frank, we had two patients. A nurse who was bitten on her nameplate by Sgt. Niles and Sgt. Niles who now has a broken jaw." Radar then came running to Trapper. Completely out of breath he says, "Captain McIntyre, you have mail." Major Burns inturrupted in a rather stern voice, "Listen you little ignat, I thought I told you to report to me once the mail came in!" Radar replied, "Oh sorry sir, it won't happen again today." Frank leaves in a huff. "Now that the school marm is gone, what did I get?" Trapper said curiously. "You're going home sir.", replied Radar.
"What was that?"
"I said you're going home. The orders just came in about an hour ago. Here see."
Trapper opens the envelope handed to him by Radar. "I can't believe this. I'm going home! I'm finally out of this hellhole. Radar we have to get a hold of Hawkeye. I can't leave without saying good-bye."
"I'll do my best, sir. Oh and congratulations, sir. I'm very happy for you.", Radar said. Trapper replied, "I'm happy for me to." Trapper then screamed "YAHOO!", ran into The Swamp and started drinking directly from the still. During the next three days he was kissing every nurse and orderly he saw. Although during this three day drinking binge, he never got word from Hawkeye. Finally on the night before he was set to go home, while everyone was in the mess tent eating dinner, Trapper emerged from the swamp, totally nude, running and screaming thru the mess tent to the cat calls and whistles of the entire camp. Frank was about to stop him when Major Houlihan said "Frank, darling, just let him go. He'll be gone tomorrow."
At about 2300 hrs., Trapper is in his dress uniform waiting for word from Hawkeye. Radar enters the swamp. "Trapper, your flight leaves Kimpo Air Base in about three hours, you'd better get going."
"Any word from Hawkeye?"
"No, sir. We can't find him anywhere."
Sadly Trapper says, "Damn! I just wanted to say good-bye to him. Radar will you give him something for me?"
"Yes sir. Anything. What is it?"
Trapper gets up, looks Radar in the eyes and says,"This." He then proceeds to kiss Radar on the cheek. Much to Radar's extreme disgust.
As Trapper leaves the swamp he says,"Radar, one more thing. Good-bye, kid."
Radar simply replies, "Goodbye, Trapper."