Note: This is my first fan fiction. It was inspired by all of the other stories that paired Hawkeye and Margaret!! Please be gentle!!

If You Only Knew

by Becky N.

The following story is told from the viewpoint of Head Nurse Major Margaret Houlihan.

I sat at my desk looking through my scrap book from the Korean War. Ah, there was a picture of Colonel Potter on his horse, Sophie. And here was a picture of B.J. and Father Mulcahy. The memories came flooding back.

My heart skipped when I saw the next picture. It was of Hawkeye sitting on the hood of a jeep. He was in full uniform and the tip of his first right finger touched his eyebrow in a salute. His warm smile melted my heart.

I slammed the scrap book shut, causing a framed picture to fall off of my desk and break.

Suddenly my eyes began to fill with tears as I remembered. No, this was not something I wanted to remember. But it was too late. The memories came racing back into my conscious mind. The memories of my last night in Korea.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind. Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and days of auld lang syne.

The peace talks had finally done some good. The war was over. We were going home.

I was sitting in the Swamp, along with what seemed like the rest of the camp. Hawkeye was handing out drinks. Some of the doctors and nurses began to dance.

I started to get that feeling again. Hawkeye looked in my direction. I tried to move my head before we made eye-contact.

Too late.

As our eyes locked, I couldn't hold it in any longer. My eyes began to fill with tears as I leapt out of my seat and practically ran out of the Swamp.

I somehow managed to stumble to my tent. I sat on the edge of my bed and tried to regain my composure.

I had finally stopped crying when I heard a knock on my door.

"Margaret. It's me. Hawkeye."

No. No, anyone but him.


"Come in Hawkeye," I said.

He opened my door and stepped inside.

"Margaret, what's wrong? Why did you just get up and leave? Is it something I did? Is it something someone else did? 'Cuz if anyone hurt you, I'd kill them."

"Then you better start contemplating suicide," I retorted.

He looked confused by this comment, but then seemed to get it.

"So I'VE hurt you. I understand completely," he said.

"Do you really Hawkeye? Do you really understand? Do you have any idea what it feels like to see you clinging on to a different nurse everyday, but know I'll never be one of them? In the beginning I had to hang on to that idiot Frank Burns, just to cover up the fact thatů thatů that I was in love with you. Every time you made some suggestive comment towards me, I just had to pretend that I was disgusted with you. I've wanted to be with you ever since I saw you for the very first time. So, now do you understand me Hawkeye? Do you? Damn it Hawkeye do you understand?"

My voice came out in angry sobs now. I looked into his eyes and they were even more beautiful than ever.

I continued to sob.

"Margaret-" Hawkeye started.

I placed my fingertips over his lips, gently, to prevent him from speaking.

He pulled my hand away from his mouth.



"Margaret, I love you."


His words were strange to me. Before I could react, he held me in his arms and kissed me.

The other nurses often talked about how wonderful his kiss was. How it gave them chills.

For me, it was warm and caring. Passionate and loving.

We collapsed on my cot for what was the beginning of a very interesting night.

To love a Frank Burns is a cheap, everyday kind of love. To love a Hawkeye Pierce, well that's something special. That's a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Something I will never feel for anyone ever again. I had managed to put my thoughts of him out of my mind until now, at least.

The picture brought back memories. And wounds no surgeon could mend.

I picked the broken picture up and placed it on my desk. No Hawkeye, you will never understand.

And with that, I put on my coat and walked out of my office.

The End

Thanks for reading my Original Story. If you have any comments, please e-mail them to me at Thanks!!!