"I'm in trouble... now!"
Alt end to "Iron Guts Kelly"

by Hawkshotlips1

Margaret Houlihan sighed and listened. She was interested in the conversation She was impressed with Lieutenant General Robert "Iron Guts" Kelly. Very interested.... he was going places... and he seemed to be interested in her. She was mad at Frank for taking the pictures and she just wanted to have a drink with this impressive older man.

"Major Houlihan.. is it?"

"That's right ... sir."

"You want a drink?"

"Yes... scotch.. sir."


"Yes.. Robert." she took the drink and she sipped it. She took a deep breath and then she felt his hand on her arm.

"It's that time..."


"Aren't you inviting me to your tent?"

"Oh... yes.. sir." she tried not to smile. She walked outside and looked around. What could it hurt though to be nice? She opened the door to her tent and then he stepped inside. She turned around and he was sitting on her bunk.


"Sir... I need to change.. into.. my.. um... well.. it's late..."

"I'll go outside."

She changed into her night clothes and opened the door."You can come inside now."

"I think I'll stretch out.... care to join me?"

She shook her head and then waited. She was wondering what to do. She walked to the bunk and sat down. The General grabbed her and pulled her to him. She moved and groaned.


Nothing happened. It was quiet and she felt her heart beat fast."General Kelly?"

She moved away and put her hand on his chest. He wasn't moving.... oh.. great.. he died in her bed.. she felt sick.. what was she going to do? She put her hand on his mouth and didn't feel a thing. She backed up and got a mirror and placed it in front of his nose and mouth. Dead.. he was dead... shoot... she was in big trouble.

She ran to the Swamp and took deep breaths. She opened the door and stood by Hawkeye's bed.

"PIERCE!" she hissed.

Hawkeye sat up and could see her and he gave her a smile"Well.. Margaret... my dream has come true."

She felt the tears on her face and she needed to calm down. She moved to the bunk and crawled on top of him. She put her head against his shoulder and whimpered.

He moved his arms around her."Shh... hey.. you're not okay... what is it?"

"Shh.. Hawkeye.. I need your help."

"Anything." he whispered.

"Just give me a few seconds... to get my breath."

"You're crying."

"Yes.. "she could see the concern on his face. She felt his arms around her.

"Major Houlihan... " he sighed.

"Hawkeye." she got up and waited outside.

He got on his robe and followed her in the tent. She moved by him and turned away.

Hawkeye put his hand on the General and he looked at her."I think he's dead... is it what you think?"


"He's in your bed... I think he suffered a myocardial infarction. In layman's terms.. his heart gave out.. at one too many."

"It's not.. funny."

He checked the General and then looked at her."What do you want me to do?"

"Move him."

"I need someone else.. he's pretty big."

"Get McIntyre"

Hawkeye went back to the Swamp."Hey Trap.... Margaret is in big trouble!"

"She's not pregnant is she?"


"You said trouble.. right?"

"Shh come on." Hawkeye opened the door.

The two walked in to her tent.

"Iron Guts Kelly?"

"That's right.. McIntyre... he's.. dead."

"I'd say.. and.. um.. well. yeah.. he's really dead."Trapper sighed

The two lifted the General and headed to the VIP tent. Margaret walked behind them.

Hawkeye opened the door and then they went in.

Colonel Stone was shaving his head and turned around.

"What is going on?"

"Sir... the General... um... he's.. dead."

"What... he can't be."

"Well.. should we tell him?" Hawkeye looked at her.

"I'd like to know what's going on here.."

Hawkeye sighed and took her arm."Well.. it's not well known... but she and I.... "

"What does that have to do with this?"

"The General... .he came to her tent... for a drink.... and he caught us... and he really... "

Margaret sighed and rolled her eyes."PIERCE!"

"He had a heart attack... I guess it was too much for him."

"So.. he's dead.. well.. we need to.. sign him out of here."

Hawkeye shook his head."I am not doing that."

Trapper shook his head."Nope not me.. I took an oath."

"He needs to die a heroes death..."

Margaret put her head against Hawkeye."I say we sign... I mean.. "

"Okay... there's an ambulance... we can put him in there.. I'll get a stretcher."

She nodded her head and looked away. Hawkeye left the tent and then she felt more tears.

"Major... "


"You and.. that man?"


Trapper was confused and he sighed."Oh yeah."

"I see."

Hawkeye came in with the stretcher and they got the General in the ambulance. Margaret backed out to see Klinger and Igor with a bunch of ladies. Trapper headed back to the Swamp.

Margaret shook her head and then she walked in her tent. Hawkeye followed her and then stood there.


"Thank you."

Frank had seen this and he frowned. He walked to her tent and tapped on the door.

Hawkeye sighed."Frank." he whispered.

"In there." she indicated the closet.

Frank opened the door.'What is going on?"


"I saw you and them with a body.."

"Oh, Frank... you know what perverts they are "

Frank sat on the bed.



"This.. is a star."

"Really... a star."

"A three star General "

"How did that get here?"

"I don't know."

"Margaret.. he was here."


"In here."

"How can you say that?"

"This star stabbed me."

"I'm sorry." she took it in her hand.

Hawkeye was trying not to laugh and he coughed.

"I heard that."

"It's me....I have a terrible cough." she coughed.

"No. it's deeper."

"Well.. I'm sorry."

Frank got up and sighed.

"I'm going to find out."

"Fine.. you do that.. if it will make you happy..."

"If I catch you.."

"Frank.. I think you are too.. suspicious... just leave me alone.. and go away.. Ferret Face."

She leaned against the door of the closet and felt it give.


She wasn't amused and grabbed Hawkeye's shirt."You and your stupid cough."

"Don't you love it?" he tried to kiss her.

She pulled him to her."Shh."

"That Colonel thinks.. we.... and so does Frank."

"So does McIntyre."

"Margaret... darling...." he kissed her face.

She put her arms around him."Hawkeye...... I feel really bad...."

"That ambulance is leaving with the General."

The door opened and Colonel Stone stood there."Where is the ambulance?"

"I don't know." Hawkeye was mad.

"It just left.. here.. and by whose orders?"

"Not mine." Hawkeye said.

"Well.. we need to get it back."

Hawkeye and Margaret ran out and then stood there.

She started to cry again and Hawkeye took her hand.

"We'll get Colonel Blake to stop it."

It was dawn and Henry put a cigar in his mouth.


"Henry...it's true."

"A dead General....where?"

"In the ambulance."

Radar walked in."Sirs... Major. um.. the phone rang... General Kelly was killed in a crash."

"It crashed." Henry shook his head.

"No.. he was..." Hawkeye sighed.

Margaret shook her head."No."

"Okay.. he's dead and gets more dead by a crash."

Radar walked outside to the VIP tent.

Ten minutes later... thee door burst open."Colonel Blake.. "

"Not now."

"This man.. this Colonel.. wants the General up at.. well at the front."

"For what?"

"For a send off."

"A what?"

"Colonel... we have to give the General a send off."

"Said who?"

"The General's aide."

"Radar....I don't believe this... a dead General... who died twice.. a send off."

Margaret shook her head."He's not going to believe it, Hawk."

"Do you care?"

"Only you know."

"You want to be in trouble?"

"I am.. with Frank.. "

"Why don't I tell him it was me."


"I can say I was in there."

"That star."

"What star?"

"Frank.. got stabbed with it."

"It's my star."

"From what?"

"You gave it to me."

"What's a Captain doing with a star?"

"A Captain General."

"Hawkeye.. you're as bad as the General's aide."


"I came to you for help."

"And you're getting help."


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