Scene I

(Everybody is in the O.R. operating on patients. A marine commanding officer, Miller, is observing and taking pictures of them. He is currently focusing on Charles.)

Miller: "That's a difficult case isn't it?"
Charles: (in a snobbish tone) "It is, but I have no trouble. You see I went to Harvard with a high grade point average and worked in Tokyo as a personal physician."
BJ: "He also studied snobbism."
Charles: "Cretin."
Potter: "Pierce was offered a job in Tokyo once, but he didn't accept it."
Margaret: "He's going into cardiac arrest Pierce."
(Miller is now watching Pierce.)
Hawkeye: (Hawkeye is now using CPR on the patient) "Come on live!" Come on live!"
Margaret: "I got a pulse. It's getting better."
Hawkeye: (rests for a minute) "Whew."
Potter: "Good work Pierce."
Miller: "Your name is Hawkeye Pierce?"
Hawkeye: "Yes it is."
Miller: "And you're chief surgeon right?"
Hawkeye: "That's right."
Charles: "Show off."
Hawkeye: (Ignoring Charles) "Henry Blake made me chief surgeon about 2 years ago, and Potter kept it that way."
Potter: "He's the best."
Charles: (sarcastically) "Pierce is a better surgeon than me? That's absurd"
Hawkeye: (jokingly) "You are right, after all I didn't go to Harvard or worked in Tokyo, I just work extra hard to save patients lives here."
Miller: "Potter said you turned down a job in Tokyo why?"
Hawkeye: "I thought my skills would be more useful here."
Miller: "So you care about people's lives."
Hawkeye: "That's why I became a Dr. My father is also a physician. I learned a lot from him. Of course I went to medical school too."

Scene II

(Hawkeye, BJ and Charles are now in the swamp relaxing after surgery. Hawkeye is reading a murder mystery book, BJ is reading a letter from Peg, and Charles is listening to one of his records. Radar enters the tent.)

Radar: (excitedly) "Come on everybody let's go! Col. Potter wants to see all of you!"
BJ: ( grumpy) "We just got off surgery."
Radar: "You have to come now!"
Charles: (grumpy) "Can't he wait?"
Radar: "Potter wants you in his office now! By the way we are getting a wonderful surprise."
Hawkeye: (excitedly) "Why didn't you say so Radar?"
(After they heard the word surprise, they quickly left the tent.)

Scene III

(They enter Potter's office. Margaret, Klinger, father Mulcahy, and Miller are already there waiting excitedly for Col. Potter's surprise.)

Margaret: "I wonder what it could be?"
Klinger: "Maybe it's cease fire."
BJ: "I doubt it."
Mulcahy: "He could be right. They usually fight the hardest before the end of the war, and lately casualties have been very thick."
Miller: "That's doesn't guarantee the end of the war. Besides, I hear that the peace talks are starting to slow down."
Hawkeye: "Maybe the surprise is a call from Trapper John."
Margaret: "If that's true then the surprise would be for you only, Pierce."
Radar: "That's not true. A lot of people liked Trapper including me."
Mulcahy: "I think that would be a wonderful surprise."
Charles: "I have never met Trapper, and from what I heard about him I don't care to."
Hawkeye: "Trapper doesn't want to meet you either, Chuckles."
Charles: "Vermin."
Margaret: "Alright that's enough. Let's not spoil the fun."
(Potter enters his office with Private Paul Conway. Potter is carrying the trays and Conway is carrying a gourmet meal.)
Potter: "Private Paul Conway wanted to surprise you with a visit and a gourmet meal."
Conway: "I have three days pass to Tokyo and I wanted to see you guys again before I go."
(Potter hands the trays to everybody and they help themselves to Conway's food.)
Hawkeye: "That's real nice of you, Conway."
Mulcahy: "This food is heavenly."
Charles: "You are a superb chef. Conway, after the war I would like you to be my personal chef."
Conway: "That's a nice offer, but I already have a job."
Charles: "But, I can pay you more money."
Conway: "No thanks, I really like working over there."
Charles: (Writes his name, phone number and address on a piece of paper and gives it to Conway.) "If you need a job, this is where you can reach me."
Conway: "Thank you."
Margaret: "It's delicious."
Conway: "I'm glad you all enjoy it. I'm going to Tokyo now."
Hawkeye: "Thank you."
Mulcahy: "God Bless you."
Potter: "Have a safe trip."
Everybody: (Conway walks out of Potter's office.) "Bye!"
Potter: "This food is delicious."
Mulcahy: "God gave Conway the gift of a chef."
Radar: "Tasty. Oh, oh I think I hear something."
Announcer: "Incoming wounded! Incoming wounded all shifts report to O.R."

Scene IV

(Everybody leaves Potter's office to help the wounded that come by ambulances, jeeps, and helicopters. Hawkeye and Potter enter one of the two ambulances after checking the wounded that were already brought outside. Potter goes all the way inside while Hawkeye stays near the back doors.)

Hawkeye: (looks at a man's wounded leg) "Superficial he can wait. (Looks at a man's chest) Very bad, he'll go first."
Potter: "Pierce, you got a minute?" (Pierce walks toward Potter and looks at the patient.)
Hawkeye: "I'm going to have to open him up here, he's not going to make it into O.R."
Potter: "Father Mulcahy, we need you!"
(Mulcahy enters the ambulance and watches Hawkeye and Potter do temporary surgery on the patient.)
Hawkeye: "Let's pack him up and bring him inside."
Potter: (looks at another patient) "Let BJ take care of this one. He's the best man for this type of surgery."

Scene V

(Everybody is now in or for the past 7 hrs operating on patients. Radar is currently giving everybody orange juice.)

Radar: "Here you go sir."
Potter: "Thank you, Radar."
Hawkeye: "I'm finished with this patient, Klinger. Send the next one here."
Charles: "I'm finished too."
(Klinger leaves O.R. and returns with three orderlies and two patients. The patient that wanted to beat up Hawkeye because of the North Korean incident was sent to Hawkeye's table, and Lyle, the patient that was present at Klinger's wedding, was sent to Charles's table.)
Charles: (to Lyle) "You are about to be operated on by a Winchester, the best surgeon here and in Japan."
patient: "Hold on! I don't want to be operated on by a Commie lover!"
Lyle: "Don't call him that!"
Hawkeye: "Charles, do you want to trade patients?"
Charles: "Alright." (Hawkeye and Charles switch tables)
Potter: "What is this musical patient?"
(Hawkeye and Charles switch tables)
Lyle: "I remember you, you operated on me a year ago."
Charles: "I graduated Harvard medical school with one of the highest grade point average and...."
Lyle: "Does he always toot his own horn?"
Hawkeye: "Unfortunately yes."
Potter: "He's a good surgeon though. Hey, I got it! Why don't we give Conway a surprise party?"
Lyle: "Conway?"
Hawkeye: "Private Paul Conway."
Lyle: "I know him he lives across the street from us."
Hawkeye: "Why don't we talk more later. We're going to put you to sleep now."
(Lyle is put to sleep.)

Scene VI

(Col. Potter is introducing himself to Lyle who is sitting up on his bed.)

Potter: "I'm Col. Potter, the CO."
Lyle: "I'm Corporal Lyle Wesson."
Potter: "I've joined the calvary when I was young, my horse and I made a pretty good time."
Lyle: "Do you have a horse now?"
Potter: "Yes I do, her name is Sophie."
Lyle: "My cousin has a horse."
Potter: "You met Pierce before right?"
Lyle: "This is the second time he saved my life."
(Hawkeye enters postop)
Potter: "He is our best surgeon."
Lyle: "Col. Blake was the CO. the last time I was here, did you replace him?"
Potter: "Yes I did."
(Hawkeye checks Lyle's chart) Hawkeye: "Henry Blake never made it home."
Lyle: "I'm sorry."
Hawkeye: "Thanks."
Hawkeye: "How are you doing Lyle?"
Lyle: "I'm fine thanks to you."
Potter: "I'll check on other patients now." (he leaves)
Lyle: "Bye. (to Hawkeye) I'm going to pay you back again."
Hawkeye: "Why don't you help us prepare a surprise party for Conway?"
Lyle: "Alright."

( Potter, Margaret, Charles, Hawkeye, BJ,  Father Mulcahy, and Klinger are waiting excitedly in the Officer's Club for Conway to show up.)
Hawkeye: "I wish Radar would would hurry up with Conway!"
BJ: "This is exciting! I can't wait for the party to begin!"
Klinger: "Neither can I!"
(Lyle and his commanding officer Miller enters with two cases of 20 year old scotch.)
Miller: (to Potter) "Where do you want us to put these?"
Potter: (points to a table near the bar where the other party goods are placed) "Over there."
(Lyle and Miller places the scotch on the table and joins the others.)
Potter: "Thank you for bringing your scotch."
Miller: "You're welcome."
Lyle: (to Hawkeye) "Are you excited about the party?"
Haweye: "Yes."
Potter: "Everything is all set, now all we have to do is wait for Conway
to show up."
(The patient whom Charles operated on before enters the officers club uninvited and punches Hawkeye in the face. BJ and Margaret catches Hawkeye as he stumbles backwards. Lyle angrily pushes the other patient against the wall and hits him.)
Lyle: "Leave him alone!"
(The other patient hits Lyle, but it doesn't affect him.  Lyle shoves him across the wall again.)
Lyle: "Don't you ever quit!" (the other patient seeing how strong Lyle is walks out of the Officers Club defeated.)
BJ: (Angrily) "Don't come back here! (to Hawkeye) "Are you ok Hawkeye?"
Hawkeye:  (rubs his cheek.) "Yes."
Father Mulcahy: "They should be here any minute now."
(1 minute later Radar enters the door with Conway.)
Everybody: "Surprise!"
Conway (with a shocked look on his face) "Wow, this is great! You people are so nice to give me this party."
BJ: "Well this was nothing compared to what you have done for us."
(Everybody starts helping themselves to the food and drinks and talking to each other.)
Lyle: "I'll get your food and drink for you Doc." ( Hawkeye is holding and drinking glass of scotch that Lyle gave him while Lyle fills Hawkeyes plate with the food Hawkeye shows him he wants.)
Potter: (Who is also holding and drinking a glass of scotch, gives Conway one of Mildred's homemade oatmeal cookies.)
"Try one of these."
Conway: (tastes it) "Thank you."
Lyle: (Gives Conway a playful punch on the arm.) How are you doing?
Conway: "I'm fine."
Margaret: (Takes a taste of one of the brownies she is holding and gives Hawkeye the other one.)
Hawkeye: 'Mmm! This is delicious!"
Margaret: "BJ, your wife sure knows how to bake brownies."
BJ: (holds a glass of unspiked punch.) "Thank you, I'll let her know you said that."
Charles: (to Hawkeye, BJ, Margaret, and Lyle.) "This is a great party."
(Everybody continues to eat drink and talk.)

(Everybody is in the operating room operating on patients.)
Potter:  "That was one heck of a party."
BJ: "It sure was (to nurse) Scalpal."
(Radar enters at OR with a civilian paper and shows everybody the front page.  The front page has a big picture of an OR scene Miller took before.  Below the picture is an article.)
Radar: "Miller wanted everybody at home to know what a great job we are doing here."