"Oh, Frank!" Margaret squeaked.
"Pudding, what's wrong with your voice?"
"What wrong with yours?"
"I sound like mouse."
"Oh, those two are gonna get it!" Margaret bolted out the door. Rag Doll and Samantha were already gone. They had run into Father Mulcahy's tent. Father Mulcahy was getting ready for confession.
"I am ready to hear your confession, my child, if that's what you're here for."
"Confession, oh yeah," Rag Doll stammered. "Well, Father, do you really want to hear everything? Its five years since my last confession to anyone, even to myself. I don't confess very often." In the background, you could hear Margaret screaming out the women's names. Rag Doll cleared her throat. "Well, Father, I--umm--well, I put lipstick, mascara and girls panties on the General while he was sleeping. They all thought it was one of the guys, so they got punished and not me. Pays to be in the Army huh?"
"Another time I--poisoned the head Nurse's dinner; she was up all day and all night throwing up. Once I took panty liners and put them in water. Then I pounded them until all of the stuffing comes out and put it on Hawkeye's bed. He thought it was shaving cream but I knew better."
"Umm--umm--go on, my child."
"I'm--when I was a medical student I made my teacher's urine turn green. Let's see. I sewed my chief resident into a pair of panty hose. He was literally begging for a pair of scissors. I stole a mascot from our rival high school. We told them that they had to lose to get it back."
"You're forgiven my child, you're forgiven. Pray about your sins."
"You want to hear my confession, Father? It's been ten years--no, twenty years," Samantha said.
"Ummm--you're forgiven too, my child. I--uh--must go to bed now." Pays to confess, Samantha thought to herself.
Rag Doll and Samantha slept in all afternoon. When they finally got up both headed to the door. A big bucket of glue dumped all over the two women. "Nice job, Hot Lips," Samantha said to herself. As the door opened a little further, a fan went off, covering Rag Doll and Samantha in feathers.
"Very nice. We look like chickens. You want to risk taking a shower?" Samantha laughed as they grabbed their towels and bathrobes. Rag Doll wrapped her towel around something. She was anticipating the next move of the angry Majors.
They went into the shower tent. Rag Doll put a plastic bag inside. Both girls turned their showers on. Out of the shower came globs of chocolate. Rag Doll waited until it stopped before turning it off. Rag Doll looked at Samantha and rolled her eyes. A hand came through the door and grabbed their robes.
"She stole our towels and our robes. We--umm--have to get out of here without people seeing us."
"I put our bathing suits in a plastic bag and brought them over. Somehow, I had a feeling those two would pull a stunt like that."
Samantha began laughing in relief. She thought the worst was going to happen. The two girls scrubbed the feathers off as well as they could. What they couldn't get off with soap they ripped off. When they came out, there was a big crowd of men waiting for them. Margaret had figured they'd be embarrassed by the pack. But the two girls were in bathing suits, and they didn't care. Men were even taking pictures of them as they began to model for them. "Just don't send these to your wives men," Sam mumbled.
Four hours later, Rag Doll noticed Klinger following her. He wasn't that hard to notice, as he was wearing a blue dress with a white apron. He had a yellow string wig for hair with a blue ribbon holding back. As she turned around, she saw Klinger and a big cheesy smile.
"No!" Rag Doll yelled.
"I haven't even asked for anything yet."
"No all the same."
"Look, here's the deal. If you make us a fabulous dinner tonight, everyone will keep Hot Lips off your back."
"I like her on my back." As Klinger grabbed her shoulder, Rag Doll's anger grew, but suddenly it ceased. A devilish grin arose on Rag Doll's face.
"Here's my proposal, I'll cook you that dinner, and in two weeks you help me pull a prank on Margaret."
"Why in two weeks?"
"It builds suspense."
"Okay." Klinger began to walk away when Rag Doll stopped him. "What in the world are you supposed to be anyway?"
"I am Alice, and there's no place like home."
"Dorothy says that, dodo!"
"So? I'm Alice, and I just said it. I'm hoping if I don't make sense, the Colonel will free me. By the way, I am wearing the ruby pumpkins. Off with her head!" Rag Doll rolled her eyes.
Rag Doll kept up to her end of the bargain. She made the biggest feast ever. Everyone in the MASH Unit begged her to make another, but no one could twist her leg.
The next two weeks were the hardest weeks of Hawkeye's life. He hurt in places he'd rather not have been reminded that he had. He still couldn't use his hands, even though the stitches had been removed. Colonel Potter was going to move him to the 121st evac hospital in Seoul, but Rag Doll insisted that he stay.
What was the biggest pain old Hawk had? His heart, naturally, to them Hawkeye was missing or dead. Plus, everything about being a John Doe scared him. He thought about his father most of the time. How could Daniel Pierce's son be missing in action? His dad looked through the door each day. He was waiting for a letter to tell him anything about his son, anything at all. Any news that said he was alive. But as Hawkeye had been declared dead once, his dad was still hopeful.
He thought also of how hard BJ was taking it. He rarely ate anything, and when he did it wasn't much. Sometimes Hawkeye could hear BJ whimper in his dreams. He'd yell things like "It's all my fault!" and "What have I done?" BJ's eyes might never work again. A doctor was coming over, but lately, requests had been slow for everything.
If there wasn't a burn on Hawkeye's face--but there was. Hawkeye had a big swollen face. It was like one oversized blister. Colonel Potter said that they'd have to bring him back into the OR since he wasn't going to go to the evac. In he went. Since he was going to stay because of Rag Doll, well--now she was going to be his surgeon. She'd been in surgery just a little over four hours.
"You wouldn't believe the stuff I found in here. It's so small and so easy to miss. Can I have the tweezers?"
"Thank you, Margaret."