4

CUT TO:

INT. POST OP 5:08PM

Hawkeye continues to check the patients, Nurse Baker by his side. He comes to one with bandages around his head. He's asleep. Hawkeye picks up the chart and looks it over.

BAKER
He's making good progress. His vital signs are all normal and his pupils are reactive. He should wake up soon.

HAWKEYE
Don't tell Frank that. He'll put him on active duty.

BAKER
Doesn't Major Burns have one ounce of humanity in his body?

HAWKEYE
Not unless you count self-righteousness as humanity.

BAKER
I don't.

HAWKEYE
Then no.

BAKER
Ferret Face.

Hawkeye grins.

HAWKEYE
Marry me.

BAKER
And give up the single life? No way.

Hawkeye puts the chart back and they move onto the next patient.

CUT TO:

INT. THE SWAMP 5:10PM

Trapper and Adrienne are sitting across from one another on Trapper's bed. They appear to be attempting to stare each other down. Adrienne puts her cards down.

ADRIENNE
Gin!

Trapper stares at the cards in disbelief. That's the 4th game she's won in a row.

TRAPPER
How did you get that so fast?

ADRIENNE
Just a little thing you may not be familiar with called SKILL.

Trapper gathers up all of the cards. Adrienne stands up and stretches. Trapper can't help but stare as she raises her arms over her head. He looks away and quickly starts shuffling the cards. He glances back at her. Her t-shirt is raised a little to reveal her midriff. He flicks the cards across the tent. Adrienne drops her arms by her sides and looks at him.

ADRIENNE
You OK, Honey?

TRAPPER
Yeah, sure.

He begins to retrieve the cards, slightly embarrassed. OK, very embarrassed. He can't quite place why, either. No woman has ever made him nervous before. She goes and sits on Hawkeye's bed.

ADRIENNE
You know, Trap, in the time I've been here we've never really talked.

Trapper picks up the rest of the cards from the floor and stands.

TRAPPER
We've talked.

ADRIENNE
Not really. Most of the conversations we've had were about medicine.

TRAPPER
Well, what do you want to talk about?

ADRIENNE
I don't know... Anything other than medicine.

TRAPPER
Like what?

ADRIENNE
Just pick a topic and go with it! Do I have to do all the work? Jeez!
(with a sexy smirk)
I hope you're not like this in, uh... other situations...

She makes what she's talking about rather obvious by wriggling her eyebrows and adding a wink for good measure. Adrienne giggles at the embarrassed look on Trapper's face. He gets up and goes over to her. He sits in the chair next to Hawkeye's bed. He gains courage and smiles at her.

TRAPPER
Would you like to find out?

Adrienne bursts out laughing.

ADRIENNE
A little eager, aren't we? Don't blame you really. I'm hot.

It's Trapper's turn to burst out laughing. Adrienne joins him.

ADRIENNE
Then again, so are you, so I guess we both win.

He stares at her.

ADRIENNE
Hypothetically, if we were to... how shall I put this? Consummate our relationship, what number would I be on your list?

Trapper thinks for a moment.

TRAPPER
I've lost count.

ADRIENNE
I thought as much.

TRAPPER
What number would I be on your list?

ADRIENNE
I've lost count, too.

They start laughing again.

CUT TO:

INT. POST OP 5:15PM

Hawkeye is looking over another patient's chart, a head wound he and Adrienne operated on a few days ago. He frowns. His vital signs aren't good. His temperature's up and his pressure is 60/40. He looks over at Klinger, who has just entered post op.

HAWKEYE
Klinger?

KLINGER
Yes, Sir?

HAWKEYE
Could you do me a favour?

KLINGER
Boris and I are at your service, Sir!

Hawkeye blinks.

HAWKEYE
Boris?

KLINGER
My new friend!

He points at the empty space next to him. Hawkeye holds his hand out and shakes the air.

HAWKEYE
Nice to meet you, Boris.

KLINGER
What can we do for you, Sir?

HAWKEYE
Could you find Adrienne? A patient we operated on isn't doing too well.

KLINGER
Right away, Sir! Come on, Boris.

Klinger turns and guides his imaginary friend out of the room. Hawkeye stares as Klinger argues politely with Boris over who should leave first.

CUT TO:

INT. THE SWAMP 5:17PM

Trapper and Adrienne are sitting on the edge of Trapper's bed. Adrienne is looking at a photo.

ADRIENNE
They're beautiful.

TRAPPER
They are.

ADRIENNE
Yeah, but you're biased. Every parent thinks their children are beautiful. (frowns) Except for my mother. I don't think she ever told any of us we were beautiful.

She hands the photo to Trapper. He puts it in his shirt pocket.

TRAPPER
Never?

ADRIENNE
Nope. AGH! I don't want to talk about my mother. I hate my mother!

TRAPPER
Really? That's terrible.

ADRIENNE
Yeah, well, if you knew her you'd understand.


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