Sarah and Lisa had been biding their time and were now ready to get their sweet revenge against Hawkeye. Sarah had a date with him tonight and she was looking forward to it. It was her chance to become an actress for the night. When Hawkeye met her at her tent door, she pasted a worried look on her face and said (managing to make herself sound reluctant), "I have to talk to you."
'Not a relationship talk, please,' he thought to himself, but instead replied, "Can we talk later? Right now, I just want to have a good time with you."
"Okay, Hawk." She seemed hesitant, but he did not think much of it. They started to kiss, and just when things began to get hot and heavy, she pushed him away. "No, Hawkeye. I can't. I really need to talk to you." She hoped she sounded nervous enough.
"What's the matter? I'm sure it's nothing Dr. Hawkeye and his Magical Fingers can't cure." He tried to kiss her again, but she turned her head.
"I'm serious." She looked him square in the eye, then turned her gaze toward her hands, which she kept clasping together. "There's no easy way to say this, so I guess I should just say it. I'm....oh, boy....I'm pregnant."
Hawkeye's face fell at her "admission." Pregnant? How could she.....With who.....When.....How long? All these questions rolled around in the chaotic whirlpool that was his mind; they struggled over and through each other to reach his mouth, but all he managed was a "Wh....?"
"Hawkeye, I'm pregnant, and it's yours. This is our child." She placed her hand on her stomach, then reached for his. He pulled away in shock.
It couldn't be! There was no way.... "Are you sure it's mine?"
She growled at him in anger. "Sure? Am I sure? Of course I'm sure! I wouldn't have told you if I wasn't!"
Hawkeye, mouth still hanging agape, managed to strangle out, "I....I..I've got to go." He got up and walked out, so paralyzed that he was totally unaware of his surroundings.
Meanwhile, in her tent, Sarah sighed in relief. She'd done it. She'd managed to pull it off. She smiled. 'That was definitely worth an Oscar,' she thought.
"Hawkeye? We need to talk."
He looked up in surprise, eyes wide. "I've heard that once already..." he mumbled under his breath.
"What?" she asked, feigning innocence.
"Nothing, nothing. What is it?"
"Umm, Captain Pierce, it looks like you're going to be Daddy Pierce."
"What?!" he asked, even more blown away than he had been by Sarah's revelation.
"I'm pregnant, and you're the lucky dad," she added.
This time, Hawkeye fainted.
BJ had walked back to the Swamp earlier because he'd forgotten his shampoo and had found Hawk sprawled on his bed, unconscious. After he came to, he seemed in a daze. BJ was trying to figure out what happened. "Are you dizzy? Did you hit your head?"
Hawkeye seemed to snap out of it and shook his head. "No, no."
"What happened, then?"
"Well, ummm, I got some surprising news. Again."
Hawkeye looked up at his best friend in a combination of fear, shock, and surprise. "I'm going to be a father. Twice over."
"Hawkeye, are you kidding me?" BJ asked, hurt. He hadn't thought that his friend could joke about something so precious.
"No, I'm not. Beej, I'm in trouble. Two different nurses are going to give birth to my children, and I'm not ready. I wasn't expecting this...."
"I guess congratulations are in order, even if you don't want to hear it."
"Believe me, I wish congratulations weren't in order. Of course I've always wanted to be a father, but not like this. This isn't how I imagined it. I always thought I'd have a beautiful wife and we would have children after a couple years----you know, when the honeymoon had ended." He smiled, trying to lighten his own mood as well as showing BJ that he wasn't completely distraught over it.
"I know this has got to be hard, Hawk. I have a kid at home that I'm missing out on seeing grow up. But at least she's safe and I was ready for Peg to become pregnant. You weren't prepared, and you have not only one child coming, but two. And what's more, you're in a war zone in Korea. But if there's anything I can do for you, buddy, just say the word."
"Thanks, Beej. You just have this way of stating problems that makes them seem so...so...obvious," Hawkeye said sarcastically and rolled over to face the tent wall. "How am I going to get out of this?" he added underneath his breath.
"It's not about getting out of it," BJ replied, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Those are your children, whether you want them to be or not. Since you're their father, you have to be there for them. And their mothers."
Deep down, Hawkeye knew it, and he knew that's exactly what he would end up doing. He was too good a person to abandon them, but he felt better pretending there was an easy solution if he searched hard enough. He needed to be alone with his thoughts right now. "If you think of any helpful solutions, let me know. Otherwise, back off."
BJ turned around and walked out, head down. His best friend had just had the shock of his life, twice, and BJ wanted to help desperately. But what could he do? What was Hawkeye going to do?
Hawkeye's thoughts were running along the same lines. What was he going to do? If only one of the nurses had been pregnant, he would do the right thing and marry her. But both of them were, and he couldn't very well marry two people. Then a thought struck him and his stomach dropped even farther. How would he tell his dad? He couldn't stand the thought of disappointing him. After all, it had only been he and his father since he was ten years old, and now suddenly, in the blink of an eye, there were two babies and two women to add to the mix. Momentary carnal pleasures had changed his life forever.
Lisa and Sarah were having a secret meeting in the Supply Tent. "When should we tell him?" Sarah asked, turning to Lisa, who had come up with the plan in the first place.
"Not yet. We should milk this for all it's worth," Lisa answered. "If I know Hawkeye, pretty soon he'll decide that he needs to write his father to inform him of the new 'situation.' We can wait in Radar's office, under some pretense, and steal it out of the outgoing mail bag. Then we can wait a couple weeks while he waits in anguish for the reply. That's when we'll tell him." Lisa had what could almost be called a vicious sneer on her face. She was enjoying this. Forget about revenge being a dish best served cold; it was best served piping hot, reheated over and over.
Sarah voiced her concern. "I'm just afraid Major Houlihan'll get wind of this and then we'll be in real trouble."
"Don't worry about it. Who would tell her?" Lisa replied.
Hawkeye nervously rapped his knuckles on the Major's tent, biting the fingernails on his other hand. He'd never been one to bite his nails before, but he'd apparently picked up the habit from all the stress he'd just been given. "What is it?!" Margaret demanded, sounding frazzled.
"Margaret, I....Can I come in?" Hawkeye asked, suddenly self-conscious about what he was about to tell her. He didn't know who else to turn to. He'd gotten BJ's feelings loud and clear, and of course he was going to take his advice. He'd never really considered not supporting Lisa and Sarah and his children, but he just needed someone to talk to. 'And a woman's opinion could be helpful,' he thought to himself. 'This must be very difficult for them too, and I want to make it as easy for them as I can. Maybe she can help me figure out what they're feeling right now and how to help them through it.'
"What do you want?" she asked, suspicious. She and Hawkeye weren't the best of friends by any means; true, they had been getting along better than usual lately, but still..... It was hard to trust anything he had to say after all of those mean-hearted pranks.
"Can we talk?" When there was no immediate answer, he added, "Please?"
After a moment's pause, she reluctantly replied, "Come in. But make this quick."
He walked in and she pointed him toward her cot, where he sat. He crossed his legs, quickly uncrossed them, then stood up again and began pacing. "Margaret, I need some advice. Now, I know we aren't exactly chummy, but I didn't know who else to talk to. Now, please don't go crazy over what I'm about to tell you. Just listen, okay?" At her nod, he continued. "You know your nurses Sarah Brighton and Lisa Burkhead? Well, they're both pregnant. With my children. And I don't know what to do. Of course I'm going to support them and the children, but I want to be emotional support too, you know? And I, well, need advice on how to do that."
Margaret was stock-still, eyes open wide. She didn't believe what she'd just been told. Two of her nurses, top-notch ones at that, were pregnant? And they hadn't even told her yet? She was outraged, she was shocked....but she put those emotions aside for a second. She was also touched that Hawkeye had asked her, of all people, to help him with a personal problem. She let this feeling guide her answer. "Just be there. That's all that I can say. Just be there. Don't hang over their shoulders all of the time, though. You don't want to be a nuisance. Ask how they are, if there's anything that you can do for them, but if they don't want it, back off. But stay close enough that when they need it they can turn to you."
"Anything I can say? Any words of comfort?"
"Whatever comes to you. If you have something rehearsed, it'll be a lot worse than nothing at all. And Hawkeye, I just want to tell you congratulations and that I'll be here if you need me."
"Thanks, Margaret. That means a lot to me," he said, full of gratitude. Who knew that under those fatigues there was a real, feeling person? Hawkeye looked back at her once more in surprise, then walked out the door.