On seeing this, Hawkeye began to laugh hysterically. Trapper dried his chin and wiped his gin-soaked robe. He then looked angrily at Hawkeye.
"Nice one, Hawk." Trapper said. Between chuckles, Hawkeye's eyes widened.
"That wasn't one of mine!" he exclaimed and continued laughing. Trapper inspected the martini glass and discovered holes all along it, right below the rim.
"It's a dribble glass!" reported Trapper. "I knew it was you!" Hawkeye's laughs trailed off.
"It wasn't me! I swear!" exclaimed Hawkeye. Trapper began to clean up and he threw the prank glass away.
"If it wasn't you then who was it?" Trapper demanded.
"How should I know?" said Hawk, now getting dressed.
"Where are you going?" asked a skeptical Trapper. Hawkeye put on his boots.
"I have post-op duty." Hawkeye said.
"Well, be careful of Hot Lips," warned Trapper, "you can try your little joke on her."
"I swear it wasn't me!" protested Hawkeye as he left. He soon found himself entering the post-op ward. Three nurses were present among the beds; one of them was Hot Lips.
"Hi ya, Major." Greeted Hawkeye as he approached her. She glared at him and grunted. Hawkeye, meanwhile, went along the beds and looked over the medical charts. He came to one in which the patient had not received all of his medicine intravenously. The patient was the Korean soldier. "Um, Major?" called Hawkeye. Hot Lips looked over to him and he signaled for her to come to where he was. She grunted again and approached him. "You should get that throat irritation looked at." Said Hawkeye.
"What is it, doctor?" she asked coldly. Hawkeye pointed to the Korean soldier.
"It's this patient," the doctor said, "he isn't getting all of his medicine from the IV."
"I noticed that," said the Major, "but he only has an arm wound and he seems to be dealing with the pain OK." Hawkeye looked down to the soldier. He looked like he was trying to hold in a really good joke, smirking.
"I still want all of his medicine administered." Said Hawkeye. He went over to the small office table in the ward and began to correct the medical file. He took a nearby pen and began writing, but no ink was coming out. Hawkeye shook the pen and tried again but nothing came. He held the pen tip to his face, examining it and hit the button on the other end. A thin spray of ink shot out and sprayed Hawkeye in the face. He wiped his eyes and looked around seeing that the Major was laughing. He then looked over the pen again to see it was a genuine prank, and he could only think of one culprit: Trapper.
He stormed out of the post-op ward, with everyone laughing at the ink still on his face, and entered the Swamp. Trapper sat as before reading his novel. Hawkeye held the pen up.
"Nice one, Trapper!" he yelled.
"What?" asked Trapper looking up. On seeing the ink on his tent mate's face, Trapper began to laugh.
"Oh," said Hawkeye, not amused, "so, it was you!"
"No, I swear it wasn't!" pleaded Trapper between laughs.
"Oh then what? A whole giant squid is hiding in my pen?" guessed Hawkeye.
"How should I know?" said Trapper. "But I didn't do it, I kinda wished I had thought of it, though." Hawkeye was about to say something else when the PA system announced more wounded. All surgical shifts were now on duty.
Generally, the shift was light, only two incoming choppers. Hawk and Trap did have some trouble with a chest wound patient, and they were forced to stay an extra hour in surgery to save him. They were successful and tiredly headed back to the Swamp.
They entered to see Frank, lying on his cot reading his bible. Again, he made no recognition of the other doctors. They decided not to say anything to Frank, but instead have a martini. Trapper served and they both sat down and sipped...and then, with a look of disgust, spit out.
"That's terrible!" said Hawkeye, wincing and looking at the glass.
"That's horrible!" cried Trapper looking into the glass in the same way. Hawkeye further inspected the glass and it's contents.
"That's water!" proclaimed the doctor. In unison, the Captains threw the glasses contents to the tent floor. Frank looked up from his bible.
"Someone put water in your distillery?" asked Frank, smiling, "that's funny!" The Major laughed maniacally and went back to his reading. Hawkeye and Trapper looked at each other in surprise.
"It can't be!" whispered Trapper.
"It couldn't be!" Hawkeye whispered. "Frank play a practical joke? It's against his anatomy."
"His religion probably, too." Added Trapper.
"Wait, wait," said Hawkeye, "let's get this straight. We have been the targets of mysterious practical jokes, the both of us. Who would want to get us?"
"No one's good enough to get us." Said Trapper. Hawkeye nodded.
"But how do we know that if the person that's setting us up has never done it before?" Pointed out Hawkeye. Trapper nodded and rubbed his chin.
"I was nailed with the dribble glass..." said Trapper.
"...And me with the exploding pen, and we both found water in the still. Two of them were in the Swamp and the other in post-op..." recalled Hawkeye.
"...With Hot Lips!" finished Trapper.
"And Frank could get us easy in the Swamp!" said Hawkeye. They both turned to Frank, who was still reading. "So it was Hot Lips and No Lips!" said Hawkeye. The Captains got up and picked up Frank by the collar.
"Unhand me!" the Major yelled.
"Not until you admit it Frank!" countered Hawkeye.
"Admit what?" asked Frank, very nervous of his position.
"That you have been playing jokes on us because of that stunt we pulled in OR." Explained Trapper.
"You and Hot Lips!" added Hawkeye. Frank struggled free and stood on his own.
"Me and Major Houlihan..." began Frank.
"Major Houlihan and I." Corrected Trapper, still grim faced.
"Right," said Frank, looking to Trapper, "haven't done anything of the sort! We filed a formal complaint to General Hammond and as usual he ignored us!"
"Maybe they don't want to subscribe anymore, Frank." Suggested Hawkeye.
"If we ever catch you doing anything we'll pick your nose with a probe!" said Trapper, backing off. Frank used his space to exit the Swamp. Hawkeye looked to Trapper.
"Do you believe him?" asked Hawk. Trapper was silent for a moment, and at the same time they both shook their heads. "I think it's time for a little revenge, bunkee."