Disclaimer: yeah I don't own M*A*S*H or the characters I'm just playing with them I promise not to break them! Faith is my character though! I own Faith kapeesh? Ok, enjoy!
Hawkeye walked into the swamp singing a little tune and smiling, BJ looked up from his bunk.
"Isn't there a law against being that happy?" groaned BJ, Hawkeye laughed
"Alright, what are you so happy about?"
"Three guesses Beej!" teased Hawkeye
"War end and someone didn't tell me?"
"Rosie tear up your tab?"
"Not even close!"
Hawkeye grinned from his drink, "New nurse!"
"That explains it, now if you'll excuse me I was trying very hard to do nothing."
As if on cue a jeep came in, Hawkeye and BJ walked out of the swamp and stood beside Colonel Potter and Major Houlihan.
"Welcome to the 4077th said Klinger brightly.
The new nurse looked around and smiled at the foursome in front of her.
The new nurse was tall and blonde with grayish blue eyes, her outfit surprise BJ and Hawkeye mostly. She wore a cowboy hat along with cowboy boots and a t-shirt along with the usual olive drab pants.
"Welcome, you must be Captain Smith, I'm Colonel Potter, this lady here is Major Houlihan, and I'm sure these two clowns will introduce themselves soon enough. I'm sorry I can't stay to chat with you captain but I have a lot of paper work to do. Goodbye."
"Nice to meet you Colonel. Well Major Houlihan, I think I'd better introduce myself, I'm Faith Smith I'll be your new nurse, I've heard from Klinger that you are the Head Nurse, is that right?"
"Yes, I'm Major Margaret Houlihan, I'm sure we'll get along well."
"Would you rather be called Major, or Margaret?"
Margaret blushed no one ever asked her what she wanted to be called.
"You can call me Margaret if you like." Captain Smith smiled.
"so who are you two?" she asked, turning to BJ and Hawkeye.
"I'm BJ Hunnicutt."
"What does that stand for?"
"Anything you want!" captain smith guessed at the same time BJ replied
"How'd you know?" Captain Smith shrugged
"I have a six sense about stuff,"
"I'm Benjamin Franklin ‘Hawkeye' Pierce, but you can call me handsome!"
"Sounds good," laughed Captain Smith, "Hawkeye, is that from The Last of the Mohicans?"
"Yeah, you know it?"
"I've read it a few times, it's a good book.
"Well I'm Captain Faith Ann Smith, you can call me, beautiful, or Faith but if you call me ‘Old Faithful you die!" she laughed pointing at Hawkeye, Hawkeye and BJ laughed.
"What are you two cretins laughing at now?" droned Charles
"Ahh, Charles this is our new nurse, Faith Ann Smith." Faith smiled
"Charles Emerson Winchester III, charmed I'm sure. Smith you say? You don't happen to be," he chuckled "Scottish?"
"As a matter of fact I am." She snapped
"Ahh the Scottish, boorish people really."
"For your information Chuckles, the Scottish are not boorish, where do you think Scotch came from? And I think it would do you very well to remember that we Scottish happen to be very good fighters!" Charles ‘hmphed' and walked off.
"What a jerk!" fumed Faith
"Don't worry about him Faith, he's a pompous, arrogant,self-absorbed...."
"What Margaret is trying to say," Said Hawkeye cutting her off "is that, you don't have to worry about him. Would you like to join us for a drink at the Officer's Club?"
"No thanks Hawkeye, I think I'll just try to settle into my tent, maybe later. It was nice meeting you all, see ya later."
BJ, Hawkeye, and Margaret headed for the swamp for a drink.
"So what do you two think of Faith?" asked BJ
"I like her outfit, she kind of reminds me of Radar too, with her sixth sense." Said Hawkeye taking a sip of his drink.
"Really Hawk? I thought she was a lot like you with the hat and attitude, besides she didn't even blink at your pick up line." Said BJ
"That's just what we need another one of him!" said Margaret poking Hawkeye
"OW! Hey what's wrong with me?" Asked Hawkeye in mock hurt. Margaret opened her mouth to respond but then...
ATTENTION, ATTENTION ALL PERSONAL INCOMING, WOUNDED, CHRISTMAS IS EARLY!!!!!!!
"Happy minute's over." Sighed BJ
"So Faith, how do you like the 4077th so far?" Asked colonel Potter
"It's not so bad, the people here are way friendlier than my last few assignments."
"Assignments, are you regular army?" asked BJ
"Yes and no, it's a long story."
"It's a long shift." BJ pointed out
"Ok, well I'm from Canada originally, and if you have a problem with that Chuckles my fist will talk to your face later!" snapped Faith after Charles laughed at her coming from Canada.
"Alright children, settle down!" said Colonel Potter, "you were saying Faith?"
"Yeah, anyway my cousin Freddy is regular army and I moved to Virginia to spend some time with him, I've known him since we were kids. I had gone through school to become a nurse to help take care of my grandfather and now that he had passed on I was going to University while living with Freddy. Anyway so Freddy sells me the house we were sharing and changes the address to just my name. Then after he moves out, because he's stationed in Tokyo, I get a letter telling me I'm drafted and where to report. The letter I got said ‘F.Smith' so I thought it was for me, but when I go to the place I'm supposed to train, I found out it was for Freddy and there had been some mistake, yadda yadda yadda! I had been dating a guy by the time I found this out, and he turns out to be a Lieutenant Colonel! So one night he tries to get a little action, and I told him the only action he was going to get if he kept pressuring me, was going to be a fist fight! So then he tells me that's a shame because he enlisted me in the army to be together and I've been regular army ever since."
"How is it your only a captain then?" asked Margaret shocked
"Oh well that's easy, I was a Major but I've been busted down so many times, you wouldn't believe it!"
"How come?" asked Potter
"Let's see," Faith started "umm, pulling pranks on my CO, having a still in my tent, hiding the latrines, and my personal best telling a General to..."
"Hang on," BJ interrupted "I think you'd better explain."
"Ok, My CO, Colonel Hume was always really cruel to me and my best friend Randalin so we pulled all kinds of pranks on him, we put all of his office equipment in the middle of the compound, put fake announcements on the PA, buried his desk upside down, all sorts of stuff like that. And before that Randalin and I built a still in our tent, but of course Colonel Hume wasn't fond of it and he told us to never let that thing be in his sight again. So we hid it every time he did inspections. When he finally caught us using it one day he yelled ‘What the hell is that?' Randalin said ‘A distillery sir!' He said ‘I know that but what is it doing in this tent?' I said ‘Making our drinks sir, want one?' He got really mad and busted me down, but only yelled at Randalin because she's a draftee. But did he ever yell at her. So we were really upset that he took our precious still so were stole the latrines and hid them refusing to give them back until we got our still back. It worked but I got busted again and Randalin got yelled at. So Randalin got discharged and sent home because her family was having a rough time and I was left with Colonel Hume, which wasn't so bad because by this time we were learning to get along and slowly he didn't yell at me as much anymore, and I kept my pranks to a minimum. But then I go on R&R is Tokyo, I'm in this bar and a 50 year old General starts hitting on me and keeps insisting to buy me a drink. I keep telling him no and he keeps insisting, I tell him that he's married, he tells me that I'm not. He buys me a scotch and says ‘I gave you that, so don't you think you should give me something?' I tell him I have something for him and to come a little closer, he does, I throw the scotch in his face, and then I tell him to take his drink and shove it. He demands to know my id, name, unit, and by this point I don't give a dam so I tell him and as punishment he sends me here. I don't mind it here though, everyone is so close."
"We are pretty close but that's the only nice thing around here." Said Potter
The others murmured agreement. Faith smiled under her mask.
"Oh I don't know, the food here HAS to be better than at my old unit."
"Don't count on it, our cook is very skilled in the arts of cooking torture."
"I'm sure I've had worse, I really like this unit so far, the only things I miss are Randalin and my still."
"Faith I think you're going to like it here," said Hawkeye "Care to join Beej, Margaret and I in the officer's club for a drink?"
"Sure, sounds fun."
"A VERY dry martini."
"Grape Nehi, please."
BJ, Hawkeye and Margaret turned to Faith in surprise.
"This is scary." Said Hawkeye
"What is?" asked Faith confused
"Very scary." Agreed BJ
"What is?" asked Faith again
"It is a little strange,' said Margaret
"WHAT IS!?" yelled Faith
"You remind us of a guy named Radar," said BJ
"Kind of a cross between Radar, and you Pierce!"mused Margaret
"Radar? Who's that?" asked Faith
After they explained to Faith who Radar was she smiled.
"He sounds sweet."
"He was." Said Margaret
"Well, I'd love to chat more, but Klinger's supposed to give me a tour of the camp tomorrow, and I'm beat. Night all." Faith walked out of the officer's club thinking about her new friends.
"Are you decent, captain? Time for your tour of hell!" said Klinger cheerily
"Klinger wake me when the war ends." muttered Faith
"Your just as bad as Hawkeye and BJ."Complained Klinger
"Thank you now shut up and let me sleep!"
"Come on captain, I have orders!"
"Fine Klinger, you win!" exclaimed Faith
"Thank you, oh tired and cranky Captain."
"Watch it buster." Warned Faith
Faith came out of her tent in her cowboy boots and hat, a t-shirt, pants and much to Klinger's amusement, a green housecoat.
"Ok, Klinger, lead on!"
Klinger showed Faith around, purposely-leaving the swamp for last. He, BJ, and Hawkeye had agreed to leave the still last as a surprise.
"Welcome to the swamp, home of rats, fleas and mice!" Klinger announced
"Not to mention Charles." Quipped Hawkeye
"I he's covered under rats." Laughed Faith
"Is that what I think it is?" she stuttered, when she saw the still
BJ and Hawkeye grinned.
"Oh there is a god!" cried Faith
"Well, I'll leave you with these two, I think you're in good hands."
Faith looked from the two clowns, to Klinger.
"Uh huh." She said sarcastically, then laughed
"Would you like a drink?" asked Hawkeye
"Sure," said Faith accepting the drink
Hawkeye and BJ watched eagerly to see another victim of their still, but were disappointed when she took a sip, and looked up, eyes shining.
"Not bad, less antifreeze next time though ok guys?" the three laughed.
Faith was completely accepted by the 4077th. She became good friends with almost everyone except Charles. A month later, Faith stopped by Margaret's tent to have a little girl chat.
"Oh hello Faith," Margaret said when Faith knocked.
"Hey Margaret, I was wondering if we could have a little chat."
"Ok, sure. What's on your mind?"
"Don't try to fool me Margaret, what's going on with you and Hawkeye? And don't say it's nothing because you two, may not have anything going on yet, but I've been here a month now and to me it's obvious that you love him."
Margaret was shocked. "Does everyone know?"
"Nope, like I said I have a little sixth sense, and of course the guys don't know, men are a little thick. Besides, if Hawkeye knew you loved him, he would have already told you he loves you too."
Margaret looked at Faith. "He told you he loves me?"
"No not yet, but I can tell."
"Well, how am I supposed to tell him I love him? I can't do that."
"That's ok, I have a plan." Said Faith