Each shook her hand and she smiled. She could tell she was going to have some fun with these guys. They would make the whole Korea experience a little easier for her. Or harder if they tried to make a move on her.
"If you'll excuse me," she said, "I'm going to... my tent."
She walked away from them. She passed Father Mulcahy, whom she met in surgery when one of her patients required the Last Rites, and stopped. He was outside his tent, tending to his little garden.
"Very nice, Father," she commented.
"Thank you, my child," he smiled and stood up. "You did very good work in surgery."
"Will I see you at Sunday's service?"
"I'm Jewish, Father."
"I speak Hebrew."
Adrienne raised her eyebrows in surprise. "I don't think the Catholics would appreciate that."
He laughed as she walked away. He was about to continue gardening when he noticed Klinger, who was wearing Scarlett O'Hara's dress from the beginning of Gone With the Wind, running towards him.
"Good Lord," the Father muttered.
"Father," Klinger shouted. "I need to talk to you!"
"Come in, my son," Father Mulcahy replied, holding the door of his tent open. Klinger went inside and he followed.
"Father, I'm desperate!" Klinger said as he sat in a chair, the hoop of his dress turning up to reveal the bloomers he was wearing underneath. Mulcahy looked away. "I don't know what else to do! I'm never gonna get out! I've tried acting crazy, not acting crazy and it just won't work! I danced naked in the mess tent and no one even flinched! I can't stay here any longer, I'll go crazy for real! I need help!"
"The Lord works in mysterious ways, my son," Mulcahy replied. "He may intervene when you least expect it."
"Don't gimme that! I need something tangible, something that will get me a Section 8 faster than it took Noah to build the ark. Sorry, Father."
"That's quite all right," Mulcahy said, a little stunned.
"I may as well just give up," Klinger said, dejected. "I'm never going to get out, so what's the point?"
Mulcahy sighed. "Persevere, my son. Don't give up. You never know, you might dance naked in the mess tent while General Clayton's here and get your Section 8 after all."
Klinger's face lit up. "Hey! That's a good idea! Thanks Father!"
He got up and raced out of the tent, his faith restored. Father Mulcahy realised what he'd done.
Another Letter From the Wife
Frank rushed to Margaret's tent. He'd just gotten another letter from his wife and couldn't wait to share it. He barged right in without knocking.
Margaret was plucking her eyebrows. When Frank yelled at her, she yanked a few out at once and hurt herself.
"What is it, Frank?"
"I have the most wonderful news!"
Margaret faced him with a huge grin plastered on her face. "You booked a church?"
"No..." Frank handed her his wife's letter.
"Dear Frank," Margaret read. "I'm sorry for my last letter. I was too hasty. I know I can trust you. I don't want a divorce. I love you and I love being your wife. I can't wait until you get home so we can be together again. Love always, Louise." She got angrier as the letter continued. How dare this woman ruin her life?!
"Isn't that great??" Frank exclaimed. "My darling wife doesn't want a divorce!"
Margaret stood up and shoved the letter into his hands. She'd had enough of his "darling wife."
"Great?! It's not great, Frank! Everything is ruined!"
Frank was confused. "Huh?"
"GET OUT!!!" she screamed. "OUT, OUT, OUT!!!!!!!"
She pushed Frank out the door and slammed it shut. Frank stood outside Margaret's tent for a moment, utterly confused as to what just happened. His wife didn't want a divorce. Isn't that a happy occasion?
Hawkeye and Trapper chose that moment to walk by. Frank looked at them blankly.
"Trouble in paradise, Frank?" Hawkeye asked sarcastically.
"None of your beeswax!" Frank yelled and stomped away.
Hawk and Trap grinned at each other. Frank was always so amusing when he had a fight with Hot Lips.
The Frank Prank
Adrienne entered the Swamp. She took in the surroundings with disgust.
"So this is the Swamp, huh?" she said. "It's awful!"
"Shh!" Hawkeye shushed her. "You'll wake sleeping beauty."
He pointed at Frank, who was asleep in his bed.
"Buy you a drink?" Trapper asked Adrienne.
"No thanks," she replied. She added, deadpan, "I'm drunk on life, can't you tell?"
Hawkeye and Trapper laughed softly so as not to wake Frank up.
"By the way," Adrienne said, digging into her jacket pocket, "I was thinking about our 'common interest'..."
She pulled out some makeup and looked over at Frank.
"ATTENTION! MAJOR FRANK BURNS, REPORT IMMEDIATELY TO POST OP, ON THE DOUBLE!"
Frank quickly scrambled out of the Swamp and towards post op. All of the people he passed sniggered at him. What he didn't know was that Hawkeye, Trapper and Adrienne had applied all of the makeup she'd brought to the Swamp. They were lucky he was such a heavy sleeper. He continued to post op and walked by them. They looked at each other, then him and saluted. He looked at them with curiosity.
Klinger walked past him, wearing a housecoat and curlers in his hair.
"I like that shade of lipstick on you, Sir," he commented.
Frank frowned. He touched his lips and was stunned when lipstick came off on his fingers. He looked at his nails. Polished. Hawkeye, Trapper and Adrienne were laughing their heads off by now. He glared at them.
They turned around and ran away.
"Welcome to the 4077th, Adrienne," Hawkeye laughed as they dashed into the Swamp.