"It sounds like this Washington guy stole his name from the famous write Washington Irving," said Trapper.
"Yeah, it's probably one of his million cover up names. I'm not surprised if one of those CIA guys has gone as Marilyn Monroe before. It sounds like this Washington guy is a clone of Colonel Flagg," said Hawkeye. "Wait, didn't you operate on his rib this morning?"
"Yeah, his jeep self-combusted," said Trapper. "He is just like Colonel Flagg, right down to the self-inflicted injuries."
"We should probably watch what we're saying," said Radar. "Colonel Washington said he out cameras all over the place."
"I bet there's a camera in my martini glass. I had better watch what I drink," said Hawkeye.
"I think my olive is watching me," said Trapper. Hawkeye and Trapper laughed.
"These CIA guys are preposterous! They can arrest me. I don't care. Lock me up, I'm guilty of impersonating a Captain. I guess they'll have to send me home," said Hawkeye.
"Pierce, McIntyre! I'm watching you," said a voice from under the table.
"Jeez, I think my feet are talking," said Hawkeye.
"Clam it, Pierce. I've been recording everything you guys have said. This is going to go on your file," said Colonel Washington as he jumped out from under the table.
"So you must be the infamous Colonel Irving Washington. I don't believe we've formally met," said Hawkeye.
"No need for introductions, we've met. Remember a few weeks back when you were on R & R? You know that nightclub you were at, The Satin Slipper? I was there," said Colonel Washington. "I was the bartender."
"The bartender was a woman, I thought," said Trapper.
"Well, us intelligence guys have to go undercover to get our information," said Colonel Washington.
"Hawk, it's a good thing you never asked the bartender to dance," said Trapper.
"You men are sick, why doesn't your CO instill a little discipline?" asked Colonel Washington.
"He tried, but we all tied him up to a flagpole and laughed at him," said Hawkeye.
"I see," said Colonel Washington.
An Hour Later in Henry's Office
"Colonel, there's a man here to..." said Radar as a man brushed by him.
"Henry!" yelled the man.
"Is that really you, Major?" asked Henry.
"Who were you expecting, Macarthur?" said the man.
"Radar, I would like you to meet Major Major Major, the only man on this side of the Pacific with the same first, last, and middle name," said Henry.
"Hello, my Majorness, sir. Nice to meet you," said Radar.
"Nice to meet you, too, Radar, right? Your name is almost as weird as mine," said Major.
"Well, it's not my real name. My real name is Walter. These guys gave me the name Radar because I can predict things before they happen," said Radar.
"That's pretty nifty, Radar. My dad was just a little weird and thought it would be pretty funny if I had the same first, last, and middle name. I used to be a major in the army, too. Luckily, they promoted me," said Major.
"Yeah, who would want to be Major Major Major Major?" said Radar.
"So Maj, what have you been up to lately?" asked Henry.
"Well, I here for more than just a visit. You've got to keep this quiet. The CIA is after one of your patients, a Major Salgin," said Major.
"Major Salgin's..." said Henry.
"Here's his file," said Radar.
"Hmm, multiple leg wounds and some shrapnel in his nose. Doesn't seem too bad, what do they want with him?" asked Henry.
"Well, I'm not quite sure. You see, you know how I'm the CO of the MASH Unit 7704; well Major Salgin was a patient at my unit, except he was Captain Carter then. He raided our supplies and took half of our morphine and penicillin. He's a CIA agent too. That's why it doesn't make sense why they're after him," said Major. A tall man with a mat of black hair, walked into Henry's office. He looked like he was about twenty.
"Colonel Major, sir, I unpacked the jeep," said the young man.
"Oh Henry, this is Sergeant Snowden, my Company Clerk," said Major.
"Nice to meet you, sir," said Sergeant Snowden. "I've heard some pretty funny stories about you. This strange guy ran up to me and tried to convince me that I was a Communist."
"Flagg," said Henry. "I forgot to tell you. Besides having Major Salgin in my camp, the incorruptible Flagg and his buddy Colonel Washington are here trying to investigate us."
"Great, when those two are together you're in big trouble. They tried to court martial me fore giving food to the South Koreans. Did you know that Flagg purposely ran his jeep over a land mine so he could investigate our unit?" said Major.
"One time he crashed his helicopter so he could investigate ours. He also broke his arm purposely," said Henry.
"The guy's a lunatic," said Major. "Washington isn't any better. He drove his jeep right through the wall of my office. The problem is, the army believes these nutcases. We've got to get them out of here before they get us put in front of a firing squad."
Meanwhile in the Swamp
"Flagg, what did we do wrong this time?" asked Hawkeye.
"Pierce, you do everything wrong, but I'm here for Major Salgin," said Colonel Flagg.
"I operated on him a couple of days ago," said Trapper. "No big deal, a little shrapnel in the legs and a snootful in the nose."
"Once he's awake, tell me. I have some unfinished business to take care of," said Colonel Flagg.
"Sure Flagg, sure," said Hawkeye and Trapper together. They smiled deviously.
"I'm having a problem. I'm not sure what Irving is up to. It must be top secret, though, because I don't even know what about it and I know everything," said Colonel Flagg.
"Sounds like conflicting intelligence. What if Washington is after the same guy?" asked Hawkeye.
"Then you had better make sure I get the information first!" yelled Colonel Flagg.
A Little Later in the V.I.P. Tent
"You're a full colonel?" asked Margaret.
"Well, that's what the bird says. Major, do you have a patient by the name of Major Salgin?" asked Colonel Washington.
"Yeah, he took a noseful of shrapnel," said Margaret.
"When he comes to, can you inform me immediately?" asked Colonel Washington.
"Sure, Colonel, anytime," said Margaret.
"Did anyone tell you you have the most beautiful pale blue eyes?" asked Colonel Washington.
"No one of your status," said Margaret.
"Oh Margaret," said Colonel Washington.
"Oh Irving," said Margaret.
19:00 Hours: Officer's Club
"Is everyone here?" asked Trapper.
"Wait, if you're not here say I," said Hawkeye. (Silence) "Good, then we're ready."
"Wait, where's Major Houlihan?" asked Frank.
"She already doing her part," said Hawkeye.